Kate Ferdinand opens up on her blended family with Rio and loving her biological son and stepkids ‘exactly the same’

FEET up on the sofa, wrapped in a blanket, bare-faced Kate Ferdinand is making herself comfortable, or trying to.

At six months pregnant, it is not easy and she apologises for constantly wriggling.

The 31 year old is expecting a daughter with her husband, former England footballer Rio, 44.

They already have son Cree, two, together, and Kate is stepmum to Rio’s three children Lorenz, 16, Tate, 14, and Tia, 11.

“I’m not someone who loves being pregnant,” she admits.

“But I am enjoying it more than last time.

“With lockdown and everything, there was a lot of anxiety about bringing a new child into the situation.

“Although I enjoyed not seeing anyone [laughs].

“It feels completely different this pregnancy. I’ve been really busy, working a lot, and I feel relaxed. Cree’s settled in so well.

“He kisses my belly and says: ‘Baby sister’. I don’t think he actually knows that a baby is coming, though.

“He gets a lot of attention, so it might be a shock to the system.”

The whole family is thrilled that the baby girl is going to even things out a little.

“We would be happy no matter what, but we all hoped for a girl.

“We have lots of boys in our house, so me and Tia are very outnumbered!

“I’m really lucky because all of the kids are very helpful with Cree, but we need a bit of female energy.”

Kate, who is releasing her book How To Build A Family next month, has made sure to put Rio’s three children – whose mother Rebecca tragically passed away from breast cancer aged 34 in 2015 – at the heart of every decision that involves the new babies, even down to letting them choose the name.

“We had another name for Cree – a unisex one – and we think that might be the baby’s name,” she says.

“We haven’t told anyone, because we don’t want people’s opinions. But you have to see when they come.

“What’s she going to look like? Is she going to suit it?”

It’s good to see Kate looking so contented after her devastating miscarriage last summer following a 12-week scan.

She was praised for being so open about her loss on her social media.

“With anything in life, until you go through it, you don’t appreciate what it’s really like,” she muses.

“That’s why it’s very important for me to share. I found power in not having to guard this secret.

“I was very nervous talking about it, but I can’t tell you the amount of people who said how helpful that had been.

“After having a miscarriage, I think that’s why I’ve enjoyed this third pregnancy more.

“I’m even more grateful that she’s OK, though I still get nervous before every scan.

“There are moments where I’ve had wobbles and thought: ‘Oh no, something’s wrong.’

“But it’s helped me to listen to my body and be more relaxed and not put pressure on myself.”

Learning to deal with the pressure has been a journey Kate has been on, particularly since meeting her former Manchester United footballer husband through mutual friends while holidaying in Dubai in 2016.

Her life was tipped on its head as she transitioned from bubbly party girl on The Only Way Is Essex to stepmum to three kids who were mourning their mum. 

The couple opened up about their struggles in the BBC documentary Rio And Kate: Becoming A Stepfamily in 2020.

But three years on, Kate seems transformed – entirely relaxed in herself and her role within the Ferdinand family.

“I feel settled,” she explains. “[Experts] say it takes up to seven years to adjust to a new blended, stepfamily set-up.

“I remember hearing that and thinking: ‘Are you joking? I’m two years in and that’s a really long time.’

“But now we’re six years in and we’re all used to each other.

“It takes a while to get to know people after so much trauma and everything that has gone on.

“Becoming a parent is not built in big, sweeping moments. It’s lots of small things you do all the time.

“And it takes time to build that bond and relationship. But now I feel secure.”

Kate naively thought it would be easy to slip into Rio’s family, but there were huge obstacles to overcome.

“It takes time,” she admits. “Looking back, everything takes time.

“You can’t go into a new job and expect to know what you’re doing straight away if no one tells you what to do.

“It’s the same coming into an already formed family. You need to know each other and learn to love each other.

“But if you put in the hard work, you reap the rewards.”

When Kate moved into Rio’s Kent home, she was overwhelmed by how much of Rebecca’s presence could still be felt.

But over time, with the children’s help, they’ve made small changes, so it not only feels like her home, but one in which Rebecca’s memory is preserved.

They even have a room dedicated to her and Nanny Janice, Rio’s mum, who died in 2017.

She says: “It’s difficult for people to understand [that they have a room covered with pictures of Rebecca].

“She is the children’s mum and is a part of our lives and a part of our family.

“She’s always going to be a part of our life. It would be bizarre not to have things of hers.

“We all go to the cemetery together.

“We talk to Cree about Mummy Rebecca and Nanny Janice, too. He’s got to know all about it.

“He must get confused when the kids call me Kate and he calls me Mummy.

“Sometimes he chucks a Kate in with a cheeky look on his face.

“What I’ve tried to do is just make it normal from the beginning. It is our history.” 

Talking about Rebecca is difficult for Kate.

She cries when discussing how hard it must be for the kids growing up without their mother.

Wiping her eyes, she says: “It’s emotional isn’t it?

“It’s such a unique situation and these babies, I love them.

“It’s hard for people to understand that I can love them like they’re my own. But I do.

“Any of my children, if I could take away their pain, I would.”

Kate launched her Blended podcast series last year to help others in the same position as her, and she wrote her book – which launches with a special book-signing event for readers at Fabulous HQ on Tuesday – after realising how little information there was out there for people facing similar challenges.

“It was something that I wanted to do for ages,” she says.

“I’m one of the first voices to speak openly about grief and everything that goes with it.

“I know I’m not the first step-parent, but I just didn’t know where to turn or where to look for help.

“I’d type things into Google – and you don’t get much there. 

“When Rio and I were filming the documentary, we were both really overwhelmed with how many people were in similar situations and desperately looking for advice and support. 

“I’m not a guru. I can only live by my experiences, and I have wobbles all the time, whether it’s with my biological son or my stepchildren.

“I think: ‘Am I doing this right?’

“I think that’s completely normal, although at the beginning, I didn’t know it was normal to think that.

“So I’m really excited to share my book with people.

“I don’t know if I’m hormonal because I’m pregnant, but it really was such a journey.

“When I think of where we were and where we are now and how I’ve been able to create this book to help other people, it makes me quite emotional.”

Kate has also written a children’s book, as she is keen to shake off the illusion of the mean stepmother so often found in fairy tales.

She explains: “Maybe it’s ingrained in us that we think stepmothers are evil.

“My mum and dad divorced when I was young.

“For me, I’ve always thought: ‘I’m going to get married, and I’m going to have kids.’

“I had this idea that’s how it should be. I think it’s because that’s what I read in books. I’m not going to be with a man with kids.

“I wanted the perfect kind of family. But what is perfect?

“I can’t imagine life without all of my crazy bunch. 

“Stepfamilies are something I’ve not really read about, but there are so many out there.

“I’m hoping the book helps change the narrative around what’s normal because there are a lot of different versions of normal.”

Despite having previously sworn off dating men with children, Kate, who married Rio in 2019 in Turkey, says she knew he was The One as soon as she saw him.

“On the day I met Rio, I said: ‘I’m going to marry him’. I just had a feeling,” she explains.

“I hadn’t taken anything into consideration. But we got on so well.

“We just clicked. When I told him that, he was like: ‘OK,’ [laughs]. But when you know, you know.”

Kate admitted she was terrified of how Rio’s three children would react to them having baby Cree.

“I didn’t worry about whether or not I would love him more than the other kids.

“Instead, it was more about thinking if everyone would bond.

“I’ve grown Cree in my belly, so there’s instant love with your biological child.

“With Lorenz, Tate and Tia, it’s a love that you really have to work hard for. 

“I love them all exactly the same, but the love is formed in different ways.

“It’s hard to explain, but because I’ve worked so hard for their love, it’s an extra-special love.

“Cree’s going to listen to that when he’s older and be like: ‘Hang on a minute!’ [laughs].

“But love is love and it’s the same for all of them.

“And now watching them together makes me the most emotional, because it’s just so special.”

In her book, Kate shares inspirational quotes, including a Bible verse: “There is nothing love cannot face; there is no limit to its faith, its hope, its endurance… There are three things that last forever: faith, hope and love; and the greatest of them all is love.”

It’s Kate’s faith that has helped her on this journey of dealing with loss and grief. 

She explains: “I’ve never spoken about this before, but I am Catholic.

“I’m not practising, but I do believe in God – and I do believe in a greater being.

“I feel guided through my life and always believe that everything will be OK in the end.

“My grandma is very spiritual, and she always says that I have a guardian angel who is looking after me, and I genuinely feel that.”

Kate admits she was “manifesting” her big family from childhood, even if she didn’t end up with the family exactly how she imagined.

“I pull my hair out sometimes, as it is very full-on – my house is mad!

“But having so much happiness and so much life around the house is fun. I grew up as an only child with only my mum.

“[This family] is everything I dreamed of, so I can’t complain.

“It’s so different from my childhood – I always had so much time on my hands.

“It’s the complete opposite now and sometimes I wish I did have a minute.

“Though when the house is quiet, I’m like: ‘Where is everyone?’

“But when they’re running around crazy, I’m like: ‘Give me a break!’”

So how does she sum up her life now?

“I feel balanced and that’s something we talk about all the time to make sure everyone is comfortable,” she says.

“I feel like we’ve got that and we all know where we’re at. Now we’re in a good place.” 

•  How To Build A Family (£16.99, Vermilion) is out May 11. The Family Tree (£7.99, Puffin) is out June 8.