My husband spent £7k of our savings on a cam girl but claims he didn’t cheat
DEAR DEIDRE: MY husband has come clean after falling for a webcam woman who scammed him out of £7,000 of our life savings.
But he still claims he was not cheating — because he never met her in real life.
I don’t know what I’m most upset about — the money or the sexual and emotional infidelity.
My husband is 47 and I’m 43.
We’ve been married for seven years after meeting online a decade ago.
We’ve always been so close but now it feels like I’m married to a complete stranger.
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I knew there was something amiss. He had stopped talking to me and wanted to stay up much later than me.
But when I saw £7,000 had been taken out of our savings account, I knew immediately that there was another woman involved.
I looked at his tablet history and could see he’d been regularly visiting a webcam site and entering into private chats with one woman in particular.
I was utterly devastated and as soon as he walked in from work, I confronted him with everything I knew.
He says they never met in person but she “bewitched” him, and I don’t know whether to be appalled or relieved.
He admitted he started to feel sorry for her as she spun him a tale about being on the verge of eviction from her flat.
But once he transferred the money she disappeared.
He’s admitted he feels like a fool and has apologised, but he insists we simply need to put it behind us and move on.
I’m doing my best but I feel so stuck.
I am still really hurt. I don’t want to lose my husband so how do we get past this?
MORE FROM DEAR DEIDRE
DEIDRE SAYS: I’m sure your husband would like to move on and forget everything, but that would not be addressing the fact he has cheated.
Anything that takes the focus away from a relationship and behaviour that hurts the other partner constitutes infidelity.
He needs to acknowledge how much he has hurt you.
He has betrayed you sexually, emotionally and financially.
It is a start that he has apologised, but he now needs to start talking to you about why he was tempted to stray.
I would strongly recommend you both talk to a relationship therapist who can help you to decide if it is possible to recover from this betrayal.
Please contact Tavistock (tavistockrelationships.org), who can put you in touch with a reputable counsellor.