When I broke up with my boyfriend I thought he was out of my life – until he phoned with a shocking question
WHEN Geeta Vaiwala broke up with her boyfriend she thought he was out of her life for good.
But not long after they split, he called her out of the blue, urging her to take an STI test.
“It just wasn’t on my radar that a woman my age could have an STI,” says the 45-year-old from Manchester.
“I was on the Pill and more concerned about not getting pregnant.
“In hindsight, I’d had some niggles like abdominal pain that I’d put down to the start of the menopause.
“I went to a clinic and, while I was waiting for my results, I started to think the worst.
“I felt hugely embarrassed, too, being a middle-aged mum with a good job.”
Property manager and mum-of-one Geeta was diagnosed with chlamydia, the most common STI in the UK.
If caught early, it can be treated with antibiotics.
If left untreated, it can develop into pelvic inflammatory disease and cause an ectopic pregnancy and even infertility.
Geeta says: “I didn’t know much about it or the symptoms, I wish I’d been more educated.
“I would never have gone to be tested without that call.”
Almost 40 years on from the infamous government-produced Aids tombstone adverts, public awareness of safe sex should be greater than ever.
But since the end of the pandemic, the number of STI infections has increased.
The UK Health Security Agency warned in March that diagnoses of gonorrhoea are up a fifth on 2019, when the previous highest number was recorded.
Syphilis also increased by eight per cent — a trend that began pre-pandemic.
Safe sex
Changes in sexual mixing over the last ten years are a factor, according to a report by the Local Government Association, which runs sexual health services.
An increased use of hook-up apps could be one reason, with more women taking greater risks sexually.
The number of STIs caught by over-65s has increased by a fifth and the most recent government data shows that rates of gonorrhoea in women aged 35 to 44 in England were 22 in every 100,000 in 2017 but up to 31.4 in every 100,000 by 2021.
Rates in women aged 45 to 64 were also up, from 5.6 to 6.1 in every 100,000.
Syphilis, although much rarer in women than men, had increased, too, with just 106 cases in women aged 34 to 64 in 2017, compared to 188 in 2021.
Chlamydia has been creeping up in both age brackets.
I went to a clinic and felt hugely embarrassed being a middle-aged mum.
Geeta Vaiwala
Professor Claudia Estcourt, of the British Association for Sexual Health and HIV, says: “Now we are living longer, there’s a greater proportion of years when we’re sexually active.
“People in older age groups may start dating again after the end of a long-term relationship but may not have had safe-sex messages for many years.
“And if women are no longer worried about getting pregnant, contraception may be something they’re not prioritising.”
Francesca Baker, 36, a PR and copywriter from Mill Hill, North London, only discovered she had human papillomavirus thanks to a smear test in March 2021.
Known as HPV, this group of viruses can lead to genital warts and cervical cancer.
In nine out of ten cases, and as with Francesca, most clear up on their own within two years without treatment — but red flags include abnormal bleeding or pain during sex.
Francesca says: “I’d only been for an STI test once, when a former boyfriend cheated on me.
“I have generally been in long-term relationships so it wasn’t something I thought I’d need to do.
“When I got the letter after a routine smear test, I was worried, wondering if I was going to get cancer.”
Despite talking to her friends quite openly about sex, Francesca says there is still a stigma attached to STIs.
“I’ve not discussed it with anyone apart from my fiancé Andy and my mum,” she adds.
I was shocked by some comments I’d heard from other health professionals around HIV.
Emma McAnally
“Luckily Andy was understanding.
“We need to be more open about the subject.”
Other STIs can have some life-changing consequences.
Mental-health nurse Emma McAnally takes life-saving medication daily after being diagnosed with HIV in 2016.
Emma, 34, who lives in Glasgow with her four-year-old son Finlay, was tested after developing persistent flu-like symptoms and genital herpes.
She says: “I was in shock when they told me.
“I’d been led to believe this illness didn’t really affect my demographic — straight women.
“I faced a huge amount of stigma. I even contemplated suicide.
“There were friends who shunned me and I felt so alone.
“Working in nursing, I didn’t dare tell colleagues, as I was shocked by some of the ignorant comments I’d heard from other professionals around HIV.”
Emma feared the disease would stop her having children, but was relieved to find this is not the case.
She says: “Even when I was pregnant with my son, there was a midwife who told me she didn’t think I should breastfeed, even though it is perfectly safe.”
Around a third of people with HIV in Britain are women.
But they are more likely to be diagnosed late due to reluctance to get tested, which means poorer outcomes long-term.
Modern medicine means HIV is no longer a death sentence if caught early.
Emma is now in a relationship and expecting her second child.
The medication she takes means the virus cannot be passed on to her baby.
She says: “I was resigned to a future without a romantic relationship, until I met Paul at a walking group.
“We were friends for a long time before we went on a date, and I knew I had to tell him before too long, as I didn’t want to keep secrets.
“Luckily, he just took my hand and said: ‘It doesn’t change anything.’
“The people that matter don’t care and the people that care don’t matter.’”
According to a survey by Bupa Health Clinics, almost three in ten people don’t ask about a partner’s sexual health before having sex.
I’d only been for an STI test once, when an ex-boyfriend cheated on me.
Francesca Baker
And more than a third would be embarrassed to speak to a medical professional about an STI symptom.
Emma says: “Don’t take your sexual health for granted or think that you are too old to be diagnosed with an STI.
“No matter how much you trust a partner, it is better to be safe than sorry.”
Self-sampling kits for HIV, gonorrhoea, syphilis and chlamydia are available on the NHS, while companies like iPlaySafe offer paid-for home testing kits that also include hepatitis B and C.
Results are delivered discreetly through an app.
Co-founders Georgia Di Mattos and Bianca Dunne want iPlaySafe to make STI testing more accessible and less awkward.
They believe it should be part of women’s healthcare routines, like visiting the dentist.
Bianca, an NHS nurse, says: “It shouldn’t be stigmatising, especially as most STIs are curable.
“Prevention is key but we also need to normalise infections.
“Most people who have sex will, at one stage, contract one.”
She says an increase in sexual encounters with strangers through dating apps has discouraged honest conversations.
Healthcare routine
Bianca explains: “The people who have sex casually don’t feel obliged to share their sexual health status because they’re not at that level of intimacy.
“Women need to drive that conversation, as they are the ones most at risk.”
Women are biologically more susceptible to STIs because the vaginal surface is more vulnerable to secretions.
Professor Estcourt adds: “Don’t trust chance — use condoms when you have a new sexual partner and if you do get symptoms like unusual vaginal discharge, abnormal vaginal bleeding, pelvic pain or sores in the genital area, it’s also time to get checked.”
After her test, Geeta was able to clear her chlamydia infection with a course of antibiotics.
Now she reminds friends to get tested regularly.
She says: “I’m totally open about it and told my 20-year-old daughter I had an STI.
“And when I met my current boyfriend, I was honest about my sexual health history.
“There’s a lot of shaming around women when it comes to STIs.
“It needs to stop.”
