I’m an idiot when it comes to love but I won’t give up my search for ‘the one’ says Sue Perkins
SELF-CONFESSED romance addict Sue Perkins is determined not to give up on love, despite having her heart broken again.
The 53-year-old presenter and comic — who split from partner Anna Richardson in 2021 — admits she is stuck in a pattern of only lasting around seven years with her past girlfriends, including the Naked Attraction host.
But she still hopes to find a partner for life and even to get married one day.
Sue says of 52-year-old Anna: “I was in a very long-term happy thing and obviously we grew out of it, I guess.
“With me it always ends in an exactly seven-year relationship. Yes, it’s weird. It’s between six-and-a-half and eight usually. I’m an idiot.”
She continues: “I’m a serial monogamist. I’m always in a relationship so it doesn’t matter who I fancy, I’m with the person I’m with and I want to be good to them — I’m not a philanderer.
“I suppose a lot of my childhood and probably up until . . . well, quite recently, I was obsessed with relationships and sex and being loved.
“And I think I’ve turned a corner now and I’m just catching up to where most mature people have been for some time, which is to learn about people I admire, the different routes they’ve taken, and their accomplishments.
“There’s nothing more alluring to me than an accomplished woman — I’m overwhelmed by people’s brilliance. I want to lean into them and marvel.”
The former Great British Bake Off presenter, who found fame through her comedy partnership with Mel Giedroyc, believes all of her exes have been out of her league — and is sad that none of them lasted.
She tells the Crushed podcast: “I look back on all my relationships and I’ve punched up in every single one, I think.
“For me, love always begins with me thinking, ‘God, you’re beautiful’.
“And that’s the thing that starts the engine running, but the thing that keeps it running is, ‘God, you’re interesting, God, you make me laugh’.
“I’ve been lucky in all the relationships I’ve had but where I struggle — the final hurdle — is making something forever, maybe because I’m so frightened of it.”
And despite her experience, Sue would love to get married one day.
She says: “I’m a sap, basically.
“I’m hard-wired to hunt the thing that I’m most frightened of, which is the forever thing.
“I can play all the ‘Ugh, forever, marriage, the performative nature of it, the horrifics of patriarchal baggage’.
“But of course it’s all I want — and I want it done in the most horrific, saccharine, obvious way.
“Because all those cliches are cliches in a way for straight people, and I watched all those cliches all my life and I’m repulsed by them, but of course I want them.
“I want them exactly like that — because I want to be in all the clubs, not just my club.
“One day there’ll be a forever human, I hope.
“But if not, that’s OK. I tend to detonate things because I don’t know what forever looks like.”
And despite being a hopeless romantic, the comedian also wants to keep the flames of passion alive. I’m still breathing, I still fancy people,” she said.
“I think people are beautiful and exciting.
“I want to feel, like everybody does – I want to feel in love and be excited.
“But increasingly as one ages that’s not always going to be about sexy times, although those aren’t dead.
“I want to be 85, 90, and still looking sideways at a Shaolin monk or a raven-haired, slightly p***ed, mouthy, damaged, brilliant, mercurial woman and feel delighted by both.”
Sue admits having been quite promiscuous in her youth, but believes she has left those days behind her.
I’m not a natural one-night-stander, I don’t like it. In fact I don’t think I’ve ever managed to do it.
Sue Perkins
“I would have for many years of my life gone with anyone who looked at me twice, because it was at worst an anecdote and at best extraordinary fun,” she laughs.
“I would have these big relationships and then these purple patches of madness.
“This was some time ago.
“I’m not a natural one-night-stander, I don’t like it. In fact I don’t think I’ve ever managed to do it.
“I’ve always sort of maybe tried to see them a few more times, whether they like it or not!
“A couple are friends of mine – we’ve developed a friendship from that point.”
Of her sex life, Sue describes herself as “enthusiastic” and says: “I’m a really solid trier, and I will keep trying. But it’s not for me to rate myself.
“My sort of sexual life is about trying to find a place in myself that can rest and stay and be happy.”
These days she focuses more on mental stimulation from women she is attracted to.
Sue says: “Maybe it’s more of an age thing – people excite me mentally. So often-time my fantasies will be about a version of myself and that person together for ever.
Barely able to stand
“I am such a romantic, such an utter romantic, my natural inclination is to whisk – ‘Let’s whisk you away, whisk me away, be transported . . . ’
“Often what I’m doing is – I’m so in love with my girlfriend, but I’m changing in my head the environment we’re living in, the amount of time we see each other sometimes, the car they drive.
“I’m sort of rearranging the set in which they are walking. Everything would be solved ‘if’ . . .
“I will love, it’s my biggest driver. I will love and love and keep on loving, and sometimes that’s been my greatest downfall, as I’ve loved people who aren’t very nice to me or haven’t loved me back.”
Going teetotal about ten years ago has made it trickier for Sue to meet potential partners, she admits, but after seeking counselling she is working on not needing booze as a crutch.
She says: “I don’t drink any more so what you see is what you get in terms of my confidence.
“I don’t think I’ve got together with anyone without being quite fully beveraged because I find it so awkward.
“At the risk of sounding truly tedious, I’ve had a lot of therapy and tried to work out that actually confidence can come from within without Bacardi, because it was just a prop, and if you use that prop enough you actually don’t know how to speak to people without it.
“All of my teenage and young adult life was spent going, ‘God, I really like that person, I’m going to have to get really drunk to speak to them’, or, ‘I’m going to have to get drunk to tell them I like them’.
“I was barely able to stand up. I was an amazingly gregarious drunk, I’d do lots of standing on tables and dancing and whipping up the crowd.”
She adds: “Maybe I’d feel differently if I lived on a houseboat, or if I became a paramedic.”