Miss Manners: A neighbor was inexcusably rude to our new acquaintance

DEAR MISS MANNERS: When my spouse and I attended a neighborhood party, we began a conversation with a woman we had never met. A few minutes into our conversation, a neighbor approached us — someone known to us but not the woman.

When we introduced him to the woman we had just met, he replied with an extremely rude and inappropriate remark directed at her. She immediately left us. We stood there in shocked silence for a minute or so, then excused ourselves as well.

A few minutes later, I saw the woman standing alone. I approached her and explained the situation with the neighbor, without too much detail. I also offered an “apology” of sorts. She was most understanding, and we proceeded to chat about more pleasant things.

Was I correct in offering an explanation, thus discussing another person’s medical issues?

GENTLE READER: One hears the phrase “full disclosure” so much these days that it is natural to forget there is any other kind.

Miss Manners agrees with all of your actions except that she would have substituted a genuine apology for the “‘apology’ of sorts” — and omitted the neighbor’s medical history. His health problems are not yours to tell, and accepting partial responsibility for his misbehavior is even more generous when unbacked by medical justifications.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am planning a once-in-a-lifetime river cruise with a close friend of 45 years. We will be sharing a cabin or hotel room for 11 days.

We have both struggled with health issues in the past year — myself with cancer, currently in remission, and my friend with shoulder surgery. She is also obese, has Type 2 diabetes and had bypass surgery about four years ago.

I am working out daily to build my strength and endurance for this trip, which is happening in seven months. My friend talks about working with a personal trainer to get ready, but has not increased her activity level to date.

I am concerned she will not be as physically prepared for excursions as I will, and I do not want to sit and watch the world pass us by because she needs to rest more frequently.

As a travel mate, am I required to reduce my activities and choose excursions at her level? Is it rude of me to push ahead with more active members of the group on outings, leaving her with the slower members?

I am not worried about her being alone, as she is very outgoing and warm, and I am sure she will make many friends as we travel. However, I do not want to damage our friendship.

GENTLE READER: There is an assumption, presumably mutual, that some portion of the vacation is to be spent together. But as you are neither the host nor a caregiver, Miss Manners agrees that some portion can also be spent apart.

Ideally your friend agrees, and you will be able to ask if she minds if you skip ahead this time, confident that she will graciously encourage you.

Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.