I love my partner but every time he drinks he becomes unrecognisable

DEAR DEIDRE: EVERY time my partner drinks, he shouts and throws things at me.

He wants us to move nearer to his family, but that will mean I’m away from my friends, and they’re keeping me sane. 

I’m 35,  he’s 40 and we have been to­gether for ten years. He isn’t an alcoholic but when he starts drinking he doesn’t stop until he crashes out on the sofa.

On a Friday, he’ll come home from work at 6pm, open a beer, then drink all night, sometimes till 5am. Once the beers are finished, he’ll move on to wine and then the spirits. 

When he drinks, he’s horrible to me, calling me names and getting angry about nothing.  Last week, he threw a glass at me. Luckily, it missed.

We have no sex life any more and he barely talks to me, even when sober. 

The only time he is nice is when he needs to borrow some money.  He does pay me back sometimes, but not always – he owes me a lot.

Now he says he wants to move 100 miles away to be near his family. But my friends are my support network. We meet every week and they make me feel good about myself. 

I’m worried that if we move away, I’ll be totally alone and miserable. 

DEIDRE SAYS: Your partner is abusive. He has both a drink and an anger problem and until he recognises this and gets help, nothing will change.

 Next time he throws something, he could really hurt you.

You deserve so much better. Your friends clearly value you and make you happy, and so should your partner. 

You are getting nothing out of this relationship and your partner treats you like his personal bank.  Ask him to pay you back and refuse to lend him more.

Read my Abusive Partner support pack and, when he’s sober, ask him to read my pack on dealing with a drinking problem.

Please think about ending this relationship.  Moving with him will leave you isolated and more vulnerable. Let him move alone.

It’s the ideal opportunity to have a clean break.