‘I don’t want to be someone that feels all men are flawed’, Vanessa Feltz on finding love at 60 & kissing Piers Morgan
FOR most women, if their relationship fell apart as a result of cheating after nearly two decades together, the last thing they’d want to do is put themselves back out there again – but Vanessa Feltz is not most women.
After it emerged in February this year that her long-time fiancé Ben Ofoedu, 51, had been unfaithful, rather than sit at home crying, the 61-year-old TalkTV presenter decided to throw herself into finding someone new.
She signed up for reality show Celebs Go Dating – and she’s already into double digits with her dates.
She says: “I’m enjoying it actually. I mean, I’m old enough to be some of the other contestants’ grandma.
“It’s been a revelation in many ways. At the beginning, I was terrified. When you’re in a relationship, one of the great reliefs about that is not having to go on any dates.
“They are the worst thing on earth.
“Either you are into the person, in which case it’s really scary, or you’re not into it, and then it’s deadly boring. Either way, it’s horrible and anything but relaxing.
“But I’ve been on 10 dates now, and having not been on a single date for 17 years, I’m not as scared now as I was then.
“You get used to it. If you’re on a date, and [the attraction] is not there, you think of a way of leaving.
“But if you are on a TV show, the joy is in seeing somebody struggle awkwardly on a hellish date. You can’t just cut your losses and leave.
“It’s an endurance test in many ways. But I understand it’s very funny to watch. I can’t tell you what happens, you have to watch – but you probably don’t need to buy a hat… yet.”
So, what is Vanessa’s ideal type?
She chuckles. “My type is Prince Charming, obviously. I’m looking for somebody tall, dark, handsome, funny, clever, witty and kind.
“All the good stuff. But you have to have physical chemistry, too.
“Young people think that when you’re older that goes out the window and what you need is companionship. Rubbish! Nothing changes as you get older.
“You’ve got to fancy the person and feel a physical connection, no matter how old you are. It’s exactly what I was looking for when I was 14. No difference at all.
“I might have learned a few things, but I’ve also learned absolutely nothing.
“I’m still looking for the bad boy with a cigarette and a motorbike, but that’s not what I should be looking for.”
While she comes across light-hearted about it all, it’s clear that Vanessa has been deeply hurt by the revelations that singer Ben, who she had been engaged to since 2006, had cheated while on tour.
She looks smaller than ever, having previously admitted that she was “thin and miserable” after dropping 2st since the relationship ended.
It’s astonishing that she would want to jump into dating again – does she worry that she will struggle to trust anyone else?
“I don’t want to be that person,” she says, resolutely.
“I don’t want to be somebody who’s so bruised by previous relationships that I feel that all men are deeply flawed and there are no good ones, and you can never trust anyone and you can never be happy.
“I’m not going to let past experiences affect my potential for being happy in the future. That would be a terrible shame.
“I do believe in love, in romance and fidelity, I do think there are such things. I’ve been unlucky, but it’s out there. It’s not an impossible idea.
“I know people who are happily married and have been for years. I know it’s possible and I would love it to happen for me. I’d love exactly what everyone else has got.”
Keeping busy is the secret to mending Vanessa’s broken heart; she admits she’s on her 215th night out of the year, having not had one evening in since January 14.
“I’ve been out for every single night without fail over 200 nights. I’ve got a long list of friends to hang out with. It is getting a bit knackering, but I don’t want to be home alone.
“I mean, it is a lot, isn’t it? At some point I’ll just stop, I suppose maybe when winter kicks in.”
She credits her girl gang for keeping her sane, admitting she’s been overwhelmed by the kindness of her friends constantly checking on her.
She says: “People have been incredible. I knew I had a big gang of mates, but I didn’t really realise quite how many I had until all this happened.
“I really do think I’m so lucky. I’ve got so many mates who are up for it. I heard from Myleene [Klass] yesterday just checking in, and Linda Robson always asks me if I’m alright.
“You know people always say they are there for you, but then they aren’t really… My friends really are. If I need them, they will change what they are doing to include me.
“It’s a really lovely feeling. It’s not just famous friends, but my mates from school, too – I’ve just caught up with a friend I’ve known since I was seven. I know it shouldn’t be surprising, but it has been.”
Vanessa has been returning the favour of being a good friend – meeting up with her former This Morning co-host Phillip Schofield in London earlier this month.
After Phillip admitted an “unwise but not illegal” affair with a younger co-worker, he has fallen out with many of his close friends, including Holly Willoughby – but judging by pictures that emerged of their dinner, Vanessa has stuck by him.
While she felt it wasn’t the right time to speak about the scandal, one friend she couldn’t stop gushing about was her TalkTV co-star Piers Morgan.
Vanessa praises the TV presenter for revealing the truth about her split with her first husband, Dr Michael Kurer – with whom she has two daughters, Allegra, 37, and Saskia, 34 – in 2000.
He ended their 17-year marriage with no explanation, simply asking for “space”.
The newspaper that Piers was editing at the time revealed it was a result of multiple affairs.
She nods. “Piers Morgan transformed my life. I mean, he didn’t do it on purpose or to do me a favour.
“But every time I see him, which is nearly every day at the TalkTV studios, I thank him, because it was a massively big deal. Huge.
“This was a long, long time ago. Imagine your husband leaves and you don’t know why. I didn’t know if he was having a nervous breakdown or what was going on.
“But Piers essentially found out he was actually having an affair and clarified absolutely everything.
“Otherwise, I never would have known. It massively affected my knowledge of what was going on in my own life, so I’ve always been a devoted fan ever since.
“He’s good fun, too. We actually kiss on the escalator in the building most days. He’s coming in and I’m coming down and we kiss in the middle.”
Vanessa is clearly at home at TalkTV, where she presents the drivetime show.
She signed up a year ago to join TalkTV after nearly 20 years at the BBC, deciding to jump ship after the late Paul O’Grady and Steve Wright also left Radio 2.
“I was devastated to leave the BBC. I didn’t want to,” she says with a sigh.
“But I really had to take the chance on something different. I wasn’t keen on lots of directions in which the BBC was going.
“I did feel that there was a sort of endemic ageism and that they were going to come and get me at some point. People were suddenly biting the dust all over the place.
“They hadn’t yet, but I didn’t fancy waiting to be culled. It didn’t feel like it would be a nice thing. My ratings were excellent and people were listening.
“You know if you are failing and the ratings are plummeting, but mine were building.
“But I suddenly realised that it doesn’t matter if people are listening to your show, whether you’re out the door or not is decided on the basis of when your birthday is.
“I wasn’t going to be a sitting duck waiting to be turfed out. So when TalkTV came along, I was so grateful. I absolutely love it.”
Meanwhile, Big Brother is set to return to our screens later this year – and who could forget Vanessa’s appearance in the first celebrity version back in 2001?
She famously spent only three days in the house, but the sight of her scrawling words including “incarcerated” and “restricted” on a chalkboard, all while wearing a leopard-print dressing gown and sunglasses, has gone down in reality TV history.
“It was only a week for Comic Relief and we weren’t paid,” she reveals.
“None of us knew what the hell we were doing. At that point, I was on TV nine times a week and I still didn’t know what I was letting myself in for.
“Nobody did. It was one of the first celebrity reality shows, which is quite hard to imagine now, because there’s been so many of them.
“It was a new genre and we just thought that it was going to be some kind of benign charity thing, but it got very emotional.
“It was fraught. Anthea [Turner] was sobbing because she was nominated while we were all being filmed. I don’t think the producers did it on purpose.
“It was just naivety really – they didn’t know either. It was so emotional and sort of scarring.
“That’s the reason why I haven’t done the jungle [I’m A Celebrity… Get Me Out Of Here!] – even though they have asked me a million times. I’d be so abysmally bad and I wouldn’t be able to say: ‘Oh, I didn’t know,’ because I do know.
“So that’s why I haven’t done it – and to preserve the public from having to watch me eat kangaroo testicles. It would just be too much.
“But my girls always say that I was a pioneer for being the celebrity that sobs.
“Since then, there’s definitely been one of those celebrities sobbing on every single reality show ever.
“It’s kind of de rigueur, there has to be somebody falling apart at the seams. But my daughters say I was the first, so get that engraved on my tombstone.”
She may have ruled out I’m A Celebrity!, but Vanessa is keen on doing more reality TV.
“I did Ultimate Big Brother in 2010. Of course, I would do it for a third time. I’ll be banging on the door!
“And ‘Ancient Love Island’ [Davina McCall’s new show My Mum, Your Dad, which has been described as Love Island for oldies]. After Celebs Go Dating, I’m ready.
“I’d do it wearing nothing but a G-string with a tassel on each nipple, lying on a lilo and copping off with somebody under the sand. Why haven’t they asked me?” she laughs.
While she’s clearly joking, Vanessa admits that losing her mother Valerie at 57 to endometrial cancer in 1995 has given her an impetus to grab every opportunity in life – even reality shows – with both hands.
She adds: “I do feel a vivid sense that we do not have, as Louis Armstrong sang: ‘All the time in the world.’ We do not.
“It goes fast, then it goes faster and faster. And you’re not guaranteed any of it, and I do not want to waste a day.
“I am going to value it deeply, I want to enjoy it and make it significant in some way.”
- Watch Vanessa on TalkTV via your digital TV provider, plus on YouTube, Watch.talk.tv and TalkTV apps.
In the make-up chair with Vanessa
What are your skincare heroes?
I just use soap and water.
Do you have any beauty tips?
Have Botox! I’ve been having it since I was 40. That actually reminds me, I need a top-up.
Any make-up bag essentials?
Charlotte Tilbury nude lipliner and Max Factor 2000 Calorie Volume Mascara.
What do you splurge on?
Prada Candy Gloss perfume.
Describe your beauty evolution…
I’ve learned about contouring. Some days, I only put make-up on because I’m going to take pictures of myself for Instagram. If you had told me that 18 months ago, I would have said you’re insane!
Who’s your celeb beauty icon?
It has to be Kim Kardashian. I am intending to be a Kardashian when I grow up.