John Fetterman and the United Slobs of America

“You’re not wearing that, are you?” says The Wife, not really asking.

When does she say this?

Pretty much every time I leave the house. I wear my bedroom slippers to Gelson’s ONE time and suddenly she doesn’t trust me to dress myself.

Okay, maybe it was more than once.

And it wasn’t just the bedroom slippers.

I acknowledge I can use some help when dressing. Of the many things I’ve been called in life, “fashionista,” is not one of them. Still, despite having spent my entire career in the two worst-dressed professions on earth, TV writer and radio host, even I know shorts and a hoodie are not appropriate for the floor on the United States Senate.

Until last week.

Inexplicably, Senate Majority Leader Charles Schumer of New York, ordered security to stop enforcing the unwritten senate dress code, mostly to accommodate the shorts and hoodie loving junior senator from Pennsylvania, John Fetterman, and the purple wig wearing senator from Arizona, Kyrsten Sinema.

Citing the loosey-goosey post-covid workplace protocols millions of Americans have been enjoying after two years of working remotely in pajamas and bathrobes, Schummer has now opened the door to “dress down every day” in the highest councils of our government.

What was once called the “world’s most exclusive club” will soon resemble a pre-game tailgate party or middle school sleepover.

Schumer himself promises to continue wearing suits and ties sparing C-SPAN junkies the sight of him in a belly shirt or mankini. And who knows what Ted Cruz and Lindsey Graham have in their closets? How long before Bernie Sanders shows up in the well of the senate wearing that puffy winter coat he wore to Biden’s inauguration, spawning 50 million memes?

I understand this is not the most pressing issue facing the nation. Still, allowing United States Senators to dress like they’re making a Walmart beer run.

The always well-dressed comedic legend, Steve Martin, wrote in his memoir, “Born Standing Up,” “Always dress better than them,” “them” being the audience. It’s a sign of respect; that the performer appreciates his or her fans. If our current crop of United States Senators can’t act the part, and they can’t, the very least they can do is dress the part.

Corporate America has relaxed workplace dress requirements to attract workers in a tight hiring market. But we are not suffering from a shortage of people who want to be a United States senator.

At the risk of sounding like a terminal pearl-clutcher, this sop to sloppiness will only further erode civility and professionalism in Congress, which is already on life support. How long before we see a T-shirt emblazoned with slogans for “Black Lives Matter”, “Let’s go Brandon!” or “1-800-Kars4Kids?” We might as well hand out Republican and Democrat hockey jerseys and wait for them to pull them over each other’s heads when the fists start flying.

Manners and formulaic civility in the Senate may seem old fashioned, yet the traditions and protocols of respect allow the government to function. If we allow legislators to dress for a pie fight, we will get a pie fight. The Senate dress code is not for the senators, it’s for us.

Schumer’s defenders say the dress code was never a written rule, ignoring the obvious, that it wasn’t in writing because nobody ever thought it would be necessary to put it in writing.

While America has always been an informal society, we’re rapidly becoming the United Slobs of America.

Doug McIntyre’s column appears Sundays. His novel, “Frank’s Shadow” is now available at Amazon and Barnes & Noble and www.DougMcIntyre.com.