I'm a DJ who performs at wedding receptions. Here are 10 things guests should never do at a wedding.

When preparing to DJ a wedding, I (and other DJs worth their salt) will spend a solid amount of time working with the bride and groom beforehand to make sure the music on the night is catered to their tastes.

So when I'm playing a quirky B-side that was requested by the newlyweds, please don't come and tell me that "nobody knows this song" or that I'm doing a bad job.

It's their day, not yours. 

Pricing up a DJ set at a wedding isn't as simple as, say, pricing up a club night.

Some people want to hire a DJ for the whole day, while some just want one for a couple of hours. Some venues require only a small setup, and others require the whole shebang. Some choose to have their weddings locally, while some choose to have them in the middle of nowhere.

All of those things affect how much it'll cost you to hire me for the night. Let's talk about it, sure, but not right now. Take my phone number instead.

DJ equipment costs a lot of money. Thousands of dollars in fact. The bride and groom have also paid a decent amount of money for me to be there and host the evening. 

Don't ask me to unplug everything and go to the bar so you can play music from your phone.

Even worse is asking me to play your latest single. Unless you're Drake, move on.

A big part of the wedding planning process for the bride and groom is choosing who they want to make speeches on the day.

Generally speaking, they will only want their nearest and dearest to share kind (and occasionally funny) words about them on the day. 

So, no, they don't want you pouring your heart out about them down my microphone while drunk in the early hours.

"I jUsT lOvE yOu SoOoO mUcH gUys." Please, stop.

Just like nobody, me included, wants to hear your incredibly well-thought-out speech, they also don't to hear you singing ABBA at the top of your lungs.

In relation to the first point, if you want a song playing, telling me you're the bride's sister or the groom's brother (or any variation of the sort) isn't going to help.

Again, it's their night. Their choices come first. Plus, it's my job to make sure that the majority of the guests are also enjoying the night. 

Drum and bass at 7 p.m.? "Oh, you're the best man? Why didn't you tell me?!"

DJ sets at weddings can last anywhere from four to eight hours. That means, at some point, I'm going to need to take a break to get a drink or use the bathroom.

When I do, please, please, please don't go behind the decks, put on my headphones, and pretend you're the DJ.

It's annoying enough, but if you press the wrong button you could ruin the vibe — or, even worse, break the kit. I'm pretty certain you're not going to want to pay for it.

Do you know what doesn't mix well with thousands of dollars worth of electronics? Vodka and Coke. 

This happens more often than you'd think and it is the cardinal sin as a guest on a wedding day.

How hard can it really be to wait for a song to end?

You don't mean it, so don't say it. Do you really think my ego needs stroking that much?

Yes, yes it does. Continue.