I’ve finally met a woman I love but her age is causing us problems…
DEAR DEIDRE: AFTER years of failed relationships, I’ve finally met a woman I see a future with . . . trouble is, she’s old enough to be my mum.
While the age gap has never bothered me, my family hasn’t let me live it down and even strangers make comments. I can’t understand why it’s such a big deal.
I’m 35, my girlfriend is 59 and we’ve been together for eight months. We met at work. We have different employers but the two companies share the same office space.
Initially, I had no intentions of dating, but as we grew closer it became obvious that there was something between us.
Now I can honestly say that I’ve fallen head over heels for her, and she makes me the happiest that I’ve ever been.
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I thought my family would be over the moon for me, because it’s no secret that I’ve been rather unlucky in love in the past.
Yet they couldn’t refrain from telling me how disappointed they were.
My parents even went as far as to comment on the fact I’d never be able to start a family with her and that this relationship would “ruin my future”.
To make matters even worse it’s very rare that we can even walk around in public without being judged.
Very often people will stare and point at us in the street, and on a few occasions people have even shouted the words “cougar” and “toyboy” at us.
I’m so hurt by all this, and it’s really starting to take its toll.
Why is it that our relationship is such a problem for people?
MORE FROM DEAR DEIDRE
DEIDRE SAYS: Age gaps can be a problem when one partner is very inexperienced, and susceptible to manipulation by the other.
But you are both adults, with enough life experience to make informed decisions.
Age gaps can work. Socially, many people find them difficult to accept. But when both partners are equal in the relationship, it is no one else’s business.
Where age gaps can become problematic, though, is when the partners are at different life stages – and at 59, there is no way your girlfriend would be able to get pregnant.
So as blunt and untactful as your family are, if a child is something you have always wanted, then you do need to think carefully about your future.
My support pack Age Gaps – Do They Matter? will help you think this through.