Harriette Cole: I worry I’ll lose my friend because of this workplace issue

DEAR HARRIETTE: My best friend at work and I are up for the same promotion. As far as I know, only one of us can get it, and it’s making me sick to my stomach to think of having to compete with her.

We both deserve to advance at work, and I don’t think it’s smart for either of us to back down from trying for this promotion. The thing is, I don’t know how to talk about it with her.

I worry that we won’t be friends after the decision is made. It doesn’t seem fair that excelling in the workplace could lead to the end of our friendship.

Can you suggest a way for us to live through this? In some ways, she is more important to me than my work, but I know I need to take my career seriously.

— In Competition

DEAR IN COMPETITION: Why not talk about your situation directly?

Sit down with your friend and remind her of how much you care about her as well as how ambitious you know you both are. State the obvious: You both are going for the promotion that’s available, and it’s likely that only one person can get promoted.

Agree to do your best as you compete for this role. Agree to be honest and aboveboard as you pitch for yourselves, and acknowledge that you both have to go all out in order to stand a chance. Also note that somebody else could possibly win this promotion, and neither of you should take for granted that it will be yours.

In your discussion, do your best to agree to remain friends no matter what happens. Then go for it.

By the way, don’t talk to your friend about your process of preparation. Put on your work hat and hunker down. Do all that you can to get ready and to show your talents without ever disparaging her.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I’ve been a smoker for years, and although I know it’s a terrible habit, I just couldn’t quit. However, I never wanted my kids to pick up on it.

That’s why I was devastated to find out that my daughter has started smoking cigarettes, too. She’s in her early 20s, and I know that I can’t force her to stop.

I’m at a loss as to what to do. How can I get her to understand the dangers of smoking without being a total hypocrite?

— Don’t Smoke

DEAR DON’T SMOKE: Talk to your daughter directly and tell her how concerned you are about her smoking.

Admit out loud that you realize you have been a terrible example because you smoke. Offer to quit with her. As hard as it will be to quit this addictive habit, the only way you stand a chance of getting your daughter to stop is if you decide to stop yourself.

See if she is willing to go on this journey with you. It will be incredibly difficult, but if you two do it together, it may bring you closer and possibly be successful.

Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.