How to reignite the passion in your life after the midlife sex slump
THE menopause is unique to each woman, but one of the key issues that pops up often is a change to sex life.
A woman’s sex life can be impacted due to hormonal changes which can lead to problems such as vaginal dryness and low libido.
These symptoms can occur in perimenopause – the lead-up to menopause – and for years or decades after.
Samantha Marshall, the leading sexpert and Head of Pleasure & Content at Smile Makers, explains menopause is actually just one singular day.
“It’s a one-day event that marks the 12th month anniversary of your last period. Perimenopause is the time of life leading up to it.”
Tara Ghosh, period and hormone educator, says: “We naturally produce less progesterone, our ‘keep calm and carry on’ hormone, from our mid-30s onwards.
“Then from around 40, oestrogen levels start declining so it’s these lower hormone levels which cause a whole raft of symptoms like anxiety, sleep issues, weight gain, memory fog and hot flashes.”
She adds that we can call perimenopause, which typically starts in early 40s, ‘the second puberty’.
“It’s because so many symptoms are similar to during puberty, where ovulation isn’t as regular, and we may have higher oestrogen to progesterone levels,” she says.
“So they’re very similar symptoms of mood swings, heavy periods or sore boobs that can happen during puberty and also through your perimenopause years.”
Some of these menopausal symptoms can really place a burden on a woman’s sex life.
If you’re suffering, remember you aren’t alone.
It’s time to turn things around and make sex great again.
Dealing with vaginal dryness
According to Tara, the hormone oestrogen helps to keep our vaginal tissue moisturised and healthy.
“So during the menopause transition as our oestrogen levels naturally decline, it’s very common to experience vaginal atrophy where the vaginal walls become thin and dry,” she says.
This can make sex incredibly uncomfortable.
“It sounds obvious but ensuring you are well hydrated is the first step we can take to help with vaginal dryness,’ explains Tara.
“Other lifestyle steps which help hormones include balancing your blood sugar, calming your nervous system every day and prioritising sleep.”
Balancing your blood sugar involves avoiding that rollercoaster of sugar highs and lows.
Instead, opt for balanced meals filled with wholegrain, fibre-filled carbs, lean sources of protein such as fish, chicken and eggs, and healthy fats such as olive oil and avocado.
Exercise often and limit high sugar, refined carbs such as biscuits, cakes and white bread.
Topical oestrogen can also be a game changer for vaginal dryness. Tara also recommends using a natural, non-toxic vaginal moisturiser as well as lubricants.
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Dealing with a dip in libido
A lack of sex drive is common during menopause and can be the biggest disrupter of a healthy, happy sex life.
However, hormones are not the only players in this libido change.
Samantha explains: “While it’s true that hormonal disturbance can play an indirect role in the loss of desire, other external factors can influence it to a larger extent.”
This includes anxiety, stress, dealing with the other symptoms of menopause, relearning about the body, medication and a change in routine as you age.
“Focusing on menopause can prevent you from considering other possible causes of these changes in mood and libido,” says Samantha.
“The changes and symptoms caused by the fall in hormone production can also impact sex life, but it’s worth noting that lots of things affect our experiences of pleasure and sex.”
She adds that it’s a good idea to ‘keep discovering yourself’.
“Sometimes our sex drive needs a kick start to get going, and taking time to spend exploring solo may be exactly what is needed.
“Throughout life, our sensations change – and this is just another one of those times.
“See it as an opportunity to get excited about pleasure again, treat yourself to some new vibrators that provide different types of stimulation.
“Remember, it’s not all about internal stimulation. In fact, most of us vulva owners need clitoral stimulation to reach orgasm!”
Samantha recommends going beyond just genital pleasure too.
“How else can you connect to your sexual selves? Try massages, audio erotica and lighting a candle that reminds you of sex.”
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Samantha adds that if you’re experiencing pain, then this can also play a part in a diminishing sex drive.
“Don’t let penetrative pain persist,” she urges women.
“We’ve been taught to put up with pain and not prioritise pleasure, so it’s easily done. Remember that the vagina registers both positive and negative experiences, which can impact desire. Settling for discomfort could decrease libido.”
Lube can help to make sex more comfortable, however, book in with your GP if pain persists.
Decline in body confidence
The fluctuation of hormones that occur during menopause can cause changes to our bodies, including weight gain and uncomfortable symptoms like hot flashes and anxiety.
Tara explains: “Knowing that these changes are normal and the simple ways we can stay healthy and ease our symptoms can help us feel much more in control and happier.”
She explains that communication with partners and families is key to getting the support we deserve.
“Generally, men are focused on problem-solving so starting the discussion by saying what you need from them helps,” says Tara.
“Commonly, it is being listened to and given emotional support as you navigate this new phase of life, rather than them trying to find a solution or ‘fixing’ you.”