How it is: Changing isn’t such a bad thing after all
Christmas, it’s hard to get it right and then there’s the new year, more to get right! Help! I run through the usual excuses in my head, you know the ones: not enough time, too much to do, not feeling so good, budget is way tight this year. The list is endless, similar in length to the list my little kids and then grandkids recited when asked, “What do you want Santa to leave under the tree for you?”
If I could have my way, today’s life would be pretty much like it was for the first 85 years of my life. In spite of the ups and downs, all in all, a wonderful even privileged life. That easy life has changed now. Well, what can one expect after living so long? The tender emotions, love, loneliness, fear and even anger, can become overwhelming taking their place as everyday companions. This will not do!
We have to fight back!
Oh, I know, what you don’t need is a lecture on geriatric psychology. Besides, the information needed is out there. Just go to the computer, your iPhone or local librarian, you will find just what you need. The trick is to do it! Most of us are familiar with the challenge. In fact, we are good at recognizing a challenge, we have had so many. Through repeated practice, we are becoming rather good at handling them.
Some of the things in my positive adjustment to aging is how I use language. I was amazed when the F-word tumbled out of my mouth the other day and it seemed to me perfectly appropriate. Admitting I need help and asking for it is another big one. I don’t know why before it was something I didn’t want to do because now it seems so easy and profitable. For example, the other day while shopping, I chose the cutest of two handsome young men standing next to me to ask for help in reading the label on a box of expensive, imported chocolates. He said, “Sure,” read the label and then asked my advice on which one he should buy for his girlfriend. During our conversation, I learned that she is a “cowgirl” from Texas, she was first attracted to him because of the fearsome dragon tattoo on his right forearm and a sweet, little snake curled around his left ear. He went on to say they had just moved in together and were hoping to “start a family” one day soon. Well, it was frosting on the cake when I found out they live a couple of blocks down the street from me. We exchanged phone numbers so we could arrange to see one another again. How delightful! I felt joyful, exuberant and I liked myself better than when I started out that day. I am looking forward to learning about this new generation which casually talks about starting a family and does not care about being married. Such a thing would never have happened in my old life. Yes, “the times they are a changing,” Bob Dylan declared in a song in 1964 and I am changing along with them! It’s the only way! I wonder if you will recognize me next year?
May your new year be a good one, something you enjoy and are satisfied with. Happy New Year.
Valerie Jelenfy Stilson is a Novato resident. IJ readers are invited to share their stories of love, dating, parenting, marriage, friendship and other experiences for our How It Is column, which runs Tuesdays in the Lifestyles section. All stories must not have been published in part or in its entirety previously. Send your stories of no more than 600 words to lifestyles@marinij.com. Please write How It Is in the subject line. The IJ reserves the right to edit them for publication. Please include your full name, address and a daytime phone number.