Condoms in the ball pit, mums in search of Saturday sex & paralytic parents – the dirty truth behind soft play centres
MENTION a trip to a soft play centre and parents’ eyes widen in horror.
The ear-splitting screeches of over-excited tots, harsh fluorescent lighting and bland food make it any sane mum or dad’s idea of hell — so spare a thought for those who work in one.
With 60million visits a year nationwide, business is booming.
But one soft play worker, who agreed to be our anonymous mole and spill the beans on the industry, says children can be the least of the problems.
Our insider began working in a play gym as a teenager and was so horrified by the bad behaviour of squiffy parents she opened her own centre in the South East, boasting a strict no-booze policy, a decent cafe and a thorough cleanliness policy.
But she knows first-hand what might be going on behind the scenes at your local play gym. Here, she reveals all.
PARALYTIC PARENTS
MY first job when I was 17 was in a soft play area adjoining a pub, and the job description should have included “nightclub bouncer”.
Parents would come along to get drunk and ditch their kids. The rule was they had to stay with their child but they were far more interested in getting back to the pub.
They would have drunken arguments with us and other parents, usually when they were asked to actually look after their own kids.
Our closing time was 6pm and by then parents had often been drinking since noon and were paralytic. Often we had to call the police because they weren’t safe to take their kids home.
It’s what made me decide to ban any booze in my play gym, though I’ve had parents bring their children in for a morning party, still tipsy from the night before.
And I’ve found wine bottles stuffed in the bin, where they’ve clearly been drinking on the sly.
PLAYING IN FILTH
ALTHOUGH equipment is checked regularly and needs to meet certain criteria for you to operate, there is no official guidance on cleanliness — and some soft plays are filthy. We clean ours every morning for an hour and a half before opening, and the same when we close.
We can get through a Hoover in two weeks as we use it so much. But other places are filthy. I’ve heard stories of dirty nappies lurking in the topmost corners and vomit caked onto mats.
One woman I spoke to said her children had bugs every time they visited one centre in London. If it looks dirty at first sight, leave.
Because the bits you can’t see will be even worse!
BEYOND THE PALE BALL PLAY
WE no longer have a ball pit in our play gyms for a very good reason. They are disgusting.
We’d found everything in ours, from condoms — thankfully not used — to money. In one centre a knife was even found, as well as miniature bottles of booze. In some centres a child will urinate in the pit, and staff will just take out the nearest balls to wash.
And parents will ring to ask if you can search through the balls to find whatever they’ve lost. Once I was asked to see if we could find a tooth that had fallen out!
SEXY SATURDAYS
WE call them “Single Saturdays”. This is the day that the fathers arrive with their children, so it’s always busy, as the mums come to flirt — some wear full make-up and heels.
It’s funny to watch them trying to cosy up and make their children make friends. We’ve even been asked to approach dads to pass on phone numbers.
We check they’re single, then do indeed hand them over — the dads invariably look delighted.
LYING KIDS SPARK ROWS
IF you put a load of over-excited kids in the same place, you are bound to have altercations — over anything from hogging the play equipment to pushing and punching.
The thing is, nine times out of ten the children are lying about what happened — we know, because we check back on CCTV.
But mothers always say: “I know my child would never behave like that . . . ” They would, and they do!
HANDS-OFF PARENTS
WE see mostly two types of parent — those who never leave their child’s side, and those who barely seem to know their child’s name.
The first are generally lovely, squeezing themselves up and down the levels to play with their child. But sadly they’re the minority. So many parents see it as a venue to catch up with friends, or go on the phone with no idea how their child is doing.
One mother used to disappear to the loo — she said it was the only time she could poo in peace!
It’s important for parents to remember we are not a childcare facility.
We’ve ended up having someone patrolling the equipment but it isn’t what she should be there for. And it can be heartbreaking to see a child desperately search for a disinterested parent.
FEEDING TIME AT THE ZOO
IN no other food venue would you think it’s OK to take a picnic.
However parents seem to think it’s perfectly acceptable at soft play.
I admit, some venues only serve beige food — but not ours. We cater for all dietary requirements and there are plenty of healthy options.
But parents still think it’s fine to bring their own.
They also seem to think it’s acceptable to leave the mess for us to clear up, adding insult to injury.
And others seem to think that while their little darling needs gluten-free options, it doesn’t matter that another child has a severe nut allergy, so they’ll scoff peanuts that they’ve brought in, ignoring the fact that we’re a nut-free venue.
SLEEPING ON THE JOB
WE often find parents so exhausted that they fall asleep. On those occasions I try to help and keep an eye on the child.
Let’s face it, anyone who can kip with that amount of noise going on must be knackered and in need of some shut-eye.
ZERO ATTENTION SPANS
WHEN I started out in soft play centres, kids would rampage about for hours at a time.
But I’ve noticed that these days they have low boredom thresholds and always want something more.
We have to constantly change around equipment and offer more, such as getting in a face painter or an entertainer. It’s all an added expense.
Considering the hours we work and the conditions we work in, we deserve to be millionaires — and we’re a long way from that.
But that said, I love my job and our play centres are lovely and usually full of our nice regulars.