Doug McIntyre: A Swift course in the high cost of a college education

The staggering expense of college has perverted the relationship between universities and their students, transforming them from scholars to customers. 

I am the proud owner of a Bachelor of Arts degree purchased from Stonehill College in 1979. At the time, it was considered a pricey item, but today it would be a steal.

During my “studies” I survived all the prerequisites and then played out my academic career by plucking the low-hanging fruit of electives recommended by my least scholastically inclined compadres.

Given the passage of time, and the fog of mid-70s college life, the titles of these gut classes are as forgotten as my dental plan username and password, but I do remember a class called “Dots and Lines” that was specifically designed for mathematical imbeciles. I got a C minus.

Still, as superficial and academically dubious as the junk classes I took may have been, they’d seem like molecular biology or quantum physics compared to the catalog of softballs offered at universities today.

Here is a small sampling of actual classes currently offered at prestigious colleges and universities, as well as UC Santa Cruz: “Magical Mushrooms and Mystical Molds” (Cornell), “Garbage” (Western Kentucky), “Beyoncé 101” (Rutgers), “Tree Climbing” (Binghamton), “The Art Of Selfies” (London), “Pizza Hut Apprenticeship” (Manchester Metropolitan University), “Surviving the Coming Zombie Apocalypse” (Michigan State), “Muppet Magic” (UC Santa Cruz), “Wasting Time On The Internet” (Penn), “Harry Styles and the Cult of Celebrity” (Texas State), “Shakespeare to RuPaul: Drag in Entertainment” (Central Florida), “Game of Thrones” (Virgina) and “Sociology of Miley Cyrus” (Skidmore).

I can just imagine this call home:

“Hi, Dad.”

“How’s school going, Son?”

“Great! I’m studying Miley Cyrus… Dad? Dad? Dad, are you still there?”

Then there is Taylor Swift, currently the most studied pop culture icon.

Swift classes are popping up on campuses all over the land, including “Taylor Swift and Her World” (Harvard), “The Taylor Swift Songbook” (Texas), “Musical Storytelling with Taylor Swift” (Florida), and UC Berkeley’s “Artistry & Entrepreneurship: Taylor’s Version” taught by a gushing Swiftie, Crystal Haryanto, a recent Cal economics graduate, who told me there was so much interest in the class she had to create an application process for enrollment.

In addition to Ms. Swift’s creative talents, the UC Berkely class (an economics class) focuses on Taylor’s business and marketing strategies, cultural impact and her triumphant “Eras Tour” that continues to sell out globally. A disclaimer on the course website warns, “You don’t need to be a Swiftie to enroll, but you just might become one!”

Here’s my disclaimer: I am not a Swiftie.

While I had/have none of the animosity the hugely successful always seem to attract, I did not (and do not) understand why this young woman has become the biggest star in the world and a cultural touchstone for a generation.

She is a talented singer, although not nearly as interesting as Billie Elish, Gaga or the late Amy Winehouse, a competent if limited guitarist, and as a songwriter, Swift will never be confused with Joni Mitchell.

Still, she’s an emotional genius who tapped into the sweet-spot of teenage loves and losses, defiantly singing her revenge on those deserving louts who made promises they did not keep or worse, rejected her love when offered.

Millions of Swifties mouth every word of her songs while Taylor sings and struts the stage in total command of herself and a universe of her own creation. It’s impossible not to respect what she has accomplished. She should be studied.

But ice cream?

“Cow to Cone” is a class at Penn State, focusing on the ever-popular dairy delight. Countless colleges and universities offer wine tasting courses, as if there isn’t enough drinking on campuses, and somewhere out there, undoubtedly, basket weaving is still part of the curriculum.

But back to my BA from so many moons ago.

At the time, I did not consider my degree a “purchase”, rather it was an investment. It’s still an investment. A college graduate today averages $23,400 more per year than a high school graduate, and $31,900 more than a high school dropout. Then again, the average tab for a four-year private college degree, tuition, room and board, is north of $58,000 per year, a whopping $232,000 to graduate! For that kind of dough, I wouldn’t study Taylor Swift, I’d have to marry her.

Society’s needs change with time and technology. The UC Davis agriculture department offers a class in tractor driving, a real-world, practical skill. But for how much longer? With self-driving technology inevitable, the near future may have as much need for tractor driving as it does for Latin scholars. In the aftermath of World War II and the remarkable GI Bill that allowed millions to be the first in their families to attend college, men and women had the luxury of studying esoteric subjects and not just career-specific majors with the promise of a return on investment. Few have that luxury today.

The staggering expense of college has perverted the relationship between universities and their students, transforming them from scholars to customers.

To keep the money flowing, Big Ed not only has to deliver on the promise of higher wages after graduation, it has to keep the customers happy along the way. Competition for students explains the stunning amenities now offered on modern campuses, including food courts, Jacuzzis, luxury dormitories and even rock-climbing walls.

Is it any wonder Taylor Swift is in and Jonathan Swift is out?

Doug McIntyre’s column appears Sundays. His novel, Frank’s Shadow, is available at Amazon.com. Reach him at: Doug@DougMcIntyre.com.