You helped me after I found out I was the other woman

DEAR DEIDRE: When I had an affair with a married male friend, I realised to my absolute horror that I had become “the other woman”.

But we fell deeply in love and he convinced me he wanted to leave his wife for me.

His only qualm was that his affair was hurting his children.

I’m 40 and he’s 42. His wife is 43 and they have three young daughters.

Eventually, he did leave, but he was so consumed with guilt that he ended up going back to her.

He admitted they’d even had sex. But he said he was still unhappy and still wanted me.

I wrote to you because I was so confused about what to do. You explained just how powerful an emotion guilt can be.

But you said it sounded like, deep down, I realised there was no future with him.

You also sent me your support pack Your Lover Not Free and suggested I give him an ultimatum.

This pack so accurately reflected my situation and helped me clarify things.

He admitted he needed professional counselling, and I’m now giving him time for this.

But whether or not our relationship works out, your advice was invaluable. Thank you.

DEIDRE SAYS: Affairs are rarely black and white. I’m glad I helped you to clarify your feelings.