I was booted off EastEnders for ‘unruly’ behaviour – now I earn a living jiggling my belly
EASTENDERS fans might struggle to recognise Melissa Suffield from her Instagram account – which is the entire point.
The former soap actress who played Lucy Beale on Eastenders for six years, uses her profile to showcase her ever changing body since becoming a mum.
There are no filters or beautifully choreographed videos – instead she jiggles and dances joyfully in front of the camera proudly showing off her ‘jelly belly’.
After learning to love her curves, she’s on a mission to help other women relish their bodies too, and shows them how to dress to suit their shape.
Melissa, 31, admits it’s been a long journey to get to where she is now and understands why other women struggle.
Learning to love herself
She admits, “I’m fine exactly how I am and just as worthy as any other woman, but I had to do a lot of unlearning to realise that.
“Previously I believed that being in a bigger body was one of the worst things that could happen to me. But that’s bullshbulls***.”
Melissa grew up in the glare of the public eye, playing rebellious teen Lucy Beale from the age of 11 to 17.
She left when Eastenders didn’t renew her contract, it was reported at the time that it was due to ‘unruly behaviour’.
‘Unruly’ past
But the 31-year-old mum, who lives on the Isle of Sheppey with her fiancé cruise director Robert Brendan, 42, and their three year old son River, says, “Everyone thought I was a wild teenager, but it couldn’t have been further from the truth, I was obsessed with playing the piano, but it only has to happen a couple of times and you’re branded.”
Melissa is philosophical about the end of her time in the soap.
She says, “I don’t keep in touch with anyone from the show, but then again I’m not in touch with old school mates either.
“I’m a different person, one door shuts and another one opens.”
Melissa went on to star in plays and pantomimes and it was during a stint on Beauty and the Beast six years ago that she met Robert, who was acting in it too.
She says, “If I hadn’t been in Eastenders then I wouldn’t have been in pantos, so wouldn’t have met Robert and wouldn’t have River, I can’t regret any part of my life as it’s led me to the next chunk.”
And it was having River that set her on her path to her work now – doing a parenting blog and posting about body positivity on her social media.
Changing figure
She says, “Up until I had River I was very lucky.
“I had a lot of body privilege – I was naturally slim, I looked like the standard of what people said was acceptable.”
But seeing her body go through so many changes during pregnancy and the months afterwards led to her redefining what she considered beautiful and left her wanting to share her new found confidence.
She says, “I don’t weigh myself but once I’d given birth I’d gone from an eight to a 12, and afterwards I put on even more weight.
“I was pumping breastmilk to feed River and noticed the amount I produced went down if I didn’t eat a lot of calories, and I obviously prioritised feeding River over losing weight.
“But I felt conflicted, on the one hand I was thrilled that my body could create River. But my weight gain got me down.
“I knew I wouldn’t go flat straight away, everyone talks about the fourth trimester, where your stomach hasn’t gone back to normal, but I presumed after those three months it would. It didn’t.
“I had to give myself a shake. I told myself the truth – that bodies change, you will lose and gain weight, even over the course of a day. And if I didn’t accept that I would spend a lot of time being miserable.
“There’s so much pressure to get your pre baby body back, we celebrate women who are back in their jeans within a few weeks.
“I was doing a lot of comparing myself to the people I saw online with nine-month-old babies, thinking how is her stomach flat, what have I done wrong?
“Then I gradually realised I hadn’t done anything wrong, my body isn’t wrong. What’s wrong is comparing.
“We are all wonderful individuals and we should celebrate that. We don’t get our pre-baby minds back, so why would we make ourselves get our pre-baby body back?
“I’m not saying I changed overnight – it’s hard to unpick things that you’ve had drummed into you over social media, in films and TV.
“I mean we were led to think Bridget Jones was fat – it’s crazy.
“We’re conditioned to hate ourselves and see beauty in others. As I accepted myself I wanted to show me living with joy in my body and show other women they can do the same, so I started posting about it.
“I feel so strongly about positive body image that I’ve joined a charity called Been There as an ambassador and a mentor. It’s for over 18-year-olds who are struggling with body image to talk to someone who’s been there and come out the other side.
“It’s incredibly rewarding to be part of it. When I was struggling, I felt very lonely, I thought I was the only person going through it and didn’t want to talk about it because it seemed so frivolous, people were dying and I was upset that I couldn’t get into my jeans.
“But it wasn’t trivial, at times I looked at photos of me that other people had taken I thought I was gross, that I was lazy and hadn’t made enough effort – mentally that’s very unhealthy.”
Melissa admits she still has ‘bad days’, saying “It isn’t always easy. Everyone has their wobbles or times when their confidence is knocked but I can rebuild it.
“I focus on health, having fun and enjoying myself, if I think about food, it’s through the lens of what can nourish me. I’ve learnt to listen to what my body wants. And what my mind needs, which is positivity.”
For the moment Melissa has no plans to go back to acting.
“I’d never say never to going back. But for now I can’t, my priority is River and looking after him – I barely have time to poo in peace!”
Fabulous has contacted BBC for a comment.
