Cheers and Jeers: Tuesday

Tuesday's Horoscope for Democrats

You will enjoy another day of competent leadership, courtesy of accomplished professionals who have the knowledge, skill, and experience to tackle problems in a calm, systematic way, thus allowing you to forge ahead with your life goals without feeling like you're headed off a cliff. Enjoy a delicious treat your taste buds have had their eyes on. Tonight: restful, rejuvenating sleep. -

Tuesday's Horoscope for Republicans

If you're not arrested for insurrection, election fraud, or sex trafficking, the secret Jewish space laser will find you and scorch your shorts. Take time to smell the conspiracies before the latest variant of Covid finds your unvaccinated immune system and destroys your olfactory sense. Tonight: the worst sleep of your life, again, as you wrestle with your grifter-made pillow that feels like it’s been stuffed with the bones of roadkill, and Taylor Swift haunts your dreams.

Have a great day.