I thought my girlfriend was perfect until she started drinking

DEAR DEIDRE: The relationship with my girlfriend was great when she was sober – but after a drink she became evil.

Our abusive time together ended when she was jailed for arson after torching my home.

I tried so many times to help her, but eventually threw her out after she told me I was useless and claimed she was having sex with another man.

I’m 35 and my ex is 32. We were together for four years.

She’s an alcoholic and a drunken bully, yet I’m struggling to get over her.

She offered no apology at her trial and showed no remorse, but I can’t hate her.

I can only think of the good times we had, not the bad. I even blame myself for her downward spiral because I threw her out instead of trying to make her better.

I feel as though I’m sinking into depression.

DEIDRE SAYS: It is hard recovering from an abusive relationship, but you have nothing to feel guilty about.

You tried to help and are not responsible for her behaviour – nor are you to blame for her actions.

Nobody can force her to give up alcohol, she must want to do it herself.

You need support to recover from this. Call the Respect Men’s Advice Line, for male victims of domestic abuse (mensadviceline. org.uk, 0808 801 0327) and talk to your GP about how you are feeling.