DEAR DEIDRE: I confronted my husband over sexually explicit messages he’s been sending to guys.
He said he might be bisexual but would never do anything about it.
I’m 46 and my husband is 48. We have been married for eight years and he has a daughter from a previous relationship.
Last week, he fell asleep on the sofa after a few beers and I saw notifications come through on his phone.
I had a quick look and noticed he was logged on to a gay dating app. I was so shocked when I saw the number of messages he’d sent to various men. One guy suggested having sex with him.
My husband is mortified now I know. Our sex life is non-existent but I know he loves me.
Surely this chat is a form of betrayal, even if nothing happens. What should I do?
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DEIDRE SAYS: Chatting and exchanging photos is a form of cheating.
There’s a possibility he could be gay or bisexual, but only he knows. He needs to start being honest.
You deserve a proper explanation of what is going on because your trust has been shattered.
He may love you, but if he has strong gay feelings they can’t be ignored.
Insist you get help together to see whether he can realistically promise to be faithful in future. You can find support via tavistockrelationships.org (020 7380 1960).
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