34 Tweets About The Unique Joys Of Parenting Tweens
Tweens: they defy categorisation and surprise you at every turn. They roll their eyes at your jokes, eat all your food, get embarrassed by your mere presence ... and can still count on your unconditional love.
If you’re worried that you may have completely messed up this whole parenting thing, then it’s definitely possible that your child is a tween. Also, you may relate to some of these funny tweets about what it’s really like to parent such mysterious creatures. Read them below:
Preteens in a nutshell:
— SpacedMom (@copymama) July 7, 2021
11yo: Can I have a hug?
Me: *Hugs her and feels touched that she asked*
11: You’re breathing in my ear
My tween talks a lot of smack for someone whose entire social existence currently depends on MY Wifi.
— Stephanie Ortiz (@Six_Pack_Mom) August 12, 2020
My 11 year old son screams “I found a hair” at least 10X/daily as he eagerly inspects his (hairless) armpits. Followed by the declaration, “I’m a Man!” ????????#pitsniffer#boys#thatslint
— Maryfairyboberry????????♀️ (@maryfairybobrry) February 11, 2019
Driving my 11 yo daughter and her tween friends around.
— ᴇʟɪᴀꜱ ᴛᴏᴜꜰᴇxɪꜱ ???? (@EliasToufexis) June 28, 2021
The things I said:
“You guys are loud!”
“This music is terrible!”
“Ok. Calm down back there.”
“The air conditioning is high enough”
That life switch happened for me guys. I’m not the new father anymore. I’m the Dad.
If your tween daughter says “it’s fiiiiiiiiiiiiinnnnne” just know it’s probably not fine.
— Claudia (@ccanton2) March 2, 2023
I scolded my sons for tossing the decorative couch pillows at each other: "I didn't buy those pillows so you could throw them around."
— Susan Muaddi Darraj ????✒️ (@SusanDarraj) September 19, 2019
Tween daughter breezes through the room and comments: "Technically, they're called throw pillows."
12: *says he’s bored*
— Snarky Mommy (@SnarkyMommy78) November 20, 2021
Me: great, why don’t you-
12: *walking away* nah I’m good
Kids are sentimental over the weirdest shit. My tween begged me not to throw away his old retainer so I put it under his dad’s pillow.
— @itssherifield (@itssherifield) February 13, 2023
as a millennial dad I’ve never not been Too Online so I know the best combination of buzzwords to maximize being annoying to my tween; she got a meatball sub for lunch and I said “oh she in her marinara era for real” and the eye roll could have powered our house for a year
— ＷＥＴ ＡＲＭＡＤＩＬＬＯ (@BauceSauce) September 7, 2023
Toddler mom: please take a second bite of chicken
— Laura Marie (@lmegordon) December 12, 2021
Tween mom: please do not eat an entire second chicken
Tween: “Happy Birthday mom! How’s it feel to be one day closer to death?”
— Meg St-Esprit (@MegStEsprit) October 14, 2022
Kids are the best.
When my son was a toddler, I understood 60% of the words he said, and now that he’s a tween I understand 60% of the words he says.
— Jessie (@mommajessiec) March 29, 2021
It’s been a tough time lately as my son is going through the dreaded “terrible twos”
— threetimedaddy (@threetimedaddy) September 9, 2021
He’s nearly 12, but still
Called 11 bro in front of his friends so they’d know I was a cool mom.
— Professional Worrier (@pro_worrier_) July 28, 2019
My tween daughter, who believes Crocs are the pinnacle of fashion, just saw a picture of 12 yo me with bangs and iridescent lip gloss, and said “ew” coupled with a sneer of utter disgust.
— Rachel Sobel (@whinecheezits) February 17, 2021
12: Mom, I don't like it when you wear makeup, you look desperate.
— cathryn ???????????? (@AngryRaccoon2) April 27, 2018
Thanks for reading.
My tween claims he’s learned nothing in middle school but the uncontrollable giggling when he scored 69 points on a game suggests otherwise
— I Hide From My Kids (@IHideFromMyKids) September 19, 2022
Congrats to my tween for graduating at the top of his class from eye roll university.
— @itssherifield (@itssherifield) January 29, 2024
I thought renaming twitter to "X" would be an idea only a 12 year old boy would love, but my 12 year old thinks it's stupid and "sucks butt"
— Schmrrrrrlex (@alexlumaga) July 23, 2023
Shopping with my tween & he says I’m “cramping his style”. Oh, ok kid wearing the same shorts 3 days in a row that keeps forgetting deodorant, which style is that?
— Mommy Needs A Life (@mom_needsalife) August 26, 2019
Me: Are you eating chips in the living room?
— Sara Says Stop (@PetrickSara) October 14, 2019
11: C’mon Mom, I promise I won’t sp- (already spilling the entire bag)-ill
11: can I see one of your last tweets?
— Snarky Mommy (@SnarkyMommy78) October 13, 2020
Me: *pulls up tweet*
11: no, I meant a funny one
My tween, who wanted money, told me I don’t look a day over 41. I’m 40.
— I Hide From My Kids (@IHideFromMyKids) February 23, 2023
What’s it like having a tween daughter? Imagine being the subject of a Comedy Central Roast for 14 hours a day.
— SpacedMom (@copymama) March 17, 2021
No one can put you in your place faster than a tween girl.
— Katie D (@KatieDeal99) December 18, 2021
11 wanted to learn to levitate for her birthday but read that “adults don’t believe in magic or whatever, so I guess forget it,” and asked for a gift card instead, thus commencing her tween years in predictable fashion.
— NicholasG (@Dad_At_Law) March 21, 2021
Going to have to hire a National Geographic photographer to come into my home and camouflage themselves as a new end table for a few months, if I ever want to see my tween son smiling in a photo.
— Sara Says Stop (@PetrickSara) June 11, 2020
11’s friend is staying the night and he goes “At 11 years old I’ve discovered the meaning of life, and I don’t like it”
— Professional Worrier (@pro_worrier_) August 7, 2019
I like this kid
Every time a tween rolls her eyes, a mother sprouts a new gray hair.
— Rachel Sobel (@whinecheezits) January 9, 2020
Today is my daughter's 11th. Birthday.
— hahahaheater ❄️????️☃️ (@dishs_up) December 29, 2019
11 is a weird age gift wise.
She wanted a Hydro flask, a trip Build a Bear and her cartilage pierced.
????♀️
Tween: I NEED to text my friend back.
— Jessie (@mommajessiec) May 20, 2022
Text they immediately need to respond to: ???? ???? ⭐️
Doctor: What brings you i—
— Ramblin Mama (@ramblinma) August 24, 2023
Me: CAN I GET A XANAX PRESCRIPTION UNTIL MY TWEEN LEAVES FOR COLLEGE?
Me: "You need to shower today."
— Stephanie Ortiz (@Six_Pack_Mom) May 11, 2020
11y.o: "What? Why?! It's only been a day!"
Me: ...
11: "Ok, two days. But-"
Me: ...
11: "Maybe three? What day is it?"
Me: ...
11: "FINE. I'll go shower."
"What do you want for breakfast?"
— cathryn ???????????? (@AngryRaccoon2) September 13, 2018
12: toast and jam.
Day 2.
"What do you want for breakfast?"
12: toast and jam.
Day 3.
I know! I'll just surprise her with toast and jam.
12: I don't like that.