I’ve always been Jack-the-lad until my wife gave me a taste of my own medicine
DEAR DEIDRE: I didn’t understand the hurt I’d caused my wife by having sex with other women until she gave me a taste of my own medicine.
I’m utterly crushed!
I’ve always been a Jack-the-lad. I was before and after I married. I hang my head in shame now when I think about what it did to my wife.
I’ll admit for the first three years of marriage, I wasn’t focused on my wife at all.
I’m 40 now. When our son was born seven years ago, my life changed. I settled down. I stopped drinking every weekend and I put an end to the cheating.
I channelled my energy into our boy, playing and being at home with him as much as I could.
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My wife is 38 and over the last couple of years she started going out more. She’d come home late and sometimes I had suspicions about her fidelity but how could I accuse her after my chequered past?
Last year she had depression. She told me, but I was unsupportive. I thought she’d get over it.
I then saw a text message from a work colleague and realised she was having an affair. We argued and she told me that I’d been ignoring her.
Our sex life had stopped and I hardly even held her hand, never mind kissed her. She was at rock bottom but I was blind to her feelings about herself – or for me.
She told me she loved the distraction from our loveless marriage. And I’m so sad that I didn’t see what she needed.
She’s ended the affair and we are working on things but I can’t move past the thought of her with this guy.
Every romantic film I watch or couple I see in the street, I think of her with him. They still work together too.
I’m worried this is affecting my son. How could I have been so selfish to cheat? It’s now come back to bite me.
MORE FROM DEAR DEIDRE
DEIDRE SAYS: You’ve had a harsh wake-up call but you’re in a better position than a lot of people. She’s spelt out to you what she needs and how best to win her back.
The love and desire she requires gives you a pathway to work on and sets you apart from being just friends.
Grasp this opportunity with both hands. My support packs Can’t Be Faithful and one on counselling can give you the tools you need to get your marriage back on track.