Three words for protesters to put Trump in his place: pants on fire! | GUEST COMMENTARY
“Only laughter can blow [a colossal humbug] to rags and atoms at a blast. Against the assault of laughter, nothing can stand.”
— Mark Twain
Donald Trump is the most colossal humbug ever to campaign for the presidency.
Trump’s entire 2024 campaign is based on a lie. Everyone knows it except those bamboozled by his astonishing skill as a con man — honed rapier-sharp over a lifetime of chicanery.
His speeches are a litany of lies from beginning to end. As Col. Sherman Potter used to say on “M.A.S.H.,” it’s all “horse hockey.” Trump’s adoring acolytes, besotted by his bombast and the audacity with which he flaunts it, remain enthralled by him. Their unquestioning, immovable fealty is frightening.
How can this colossal humbug be brought down? Follow Mark Twain’s advice: Make fun of him.
A potent punchline in any anti-Trump speech would be to say that he keeps six or seven tailors on retainer because he tells so many lies, his pants constantly are on fire.
Instead of the three-word chant his supporters bellowed to attack his 2016 opponent — “Lock Her Up!” — Trump’s opponents this year should adopt another three-word chant: “Pants on Fire!”
They should infiltrate Trump’s rallies, stand in the back, and begin chanting “Pants on Fire!” as soon as he starts spewing his fabrications and baseless assertions of victimhood and claims of past achievements.
He insists, against all evidence, that the 2020 election was “stolen.” Balderdash. It wasn’t stolen, and dozens of judges — some of them Republicans — have said so. He whines that he and his supporters are the targets of an insidious “Deep State” plot. Dozens of criminal charges against him, returned by grand juries comprised of ordinary citizens, prove that isn’t so. (Cue Col. Potter again.)
Those who want to blast the Trump humbug to smithereens should position themselves to unload the “Pants on Fire!” weapon — loudly and often: Pants on Fire! Pants on Fire! Pants on Fire! Pants on Fire! Pants on Fire!
Of course, Trump supporters will try to shut them up — but that only will guarantee great television soundbites and clips. Those are the sort of free airtime items that Trump remains a master at generating, but he will not find them so helpful when the assault of laughter is turned on him with full force.
In “Singing in The Rain,” Donald O’Connor memorably advised Gene Kelly to: “Make ‘em laugh, make ‘em laugh! Don’t you know everyone wants to laugh?”
The outcome of this year’s election will be no joke. Our democracy is threatened by a shameless, corrupt, racist, demagogic would-be dictator. To avoid catastrophe, the most powerful and effective weapon must be unleashed on Donald Trump: laughter.
Neil A. Grauer (nagrauer3@gmail.com) is a Baltimore journalist, author and caricaturist.