Psychologist reveals three red flags narcissists will say – so does your partner do them?
MANY people are guilty of saying things they don’t mean now and then when they get into disagreements with their partners.
However, a psychologist has warned that there are telltale phrases that can indicate your partner is a narcissist or has narcissistic tendencies.
The expert has said you should look out for these key sayings in moments of conflict, as they can indicate that your significant other possesses the unpleasant personality trait.
Narcissists typically have an unreasonably high sense of their own importance, according to the May Clinic in the US.
They tend to seek too much attention and want people to admire them, while often lacking the ability to care or understand the feelings of others.
This can have a negative effect on their partners, who are more likely to develop mental health problems as a result of the emotionally abusive relationship.
Psychotherapist Erin Leonard said the three phrases are “seemingly innocent” but you may wish to think about an “exit strategy” if you are constantly hearing them.
So what do you need to listen out for?
‘I’m sorry you feel that way’
Erin wrote for Psychology Today: “Instead of the partner putting themselves in your shoes to attempt to understand how you feel, they immediately reject your feeling and label it ‘yours’.”
She claims the statement is “anti-emphathic” and the person saying it may not be interested in finding out where you come from.
Instead of saying “I’m sorry you feel that way”, a more empathetic response would be “I’m not sure why you’re upset but I want to understand” or similar phrases that “honour your feelings.”
‘You have anger issues’
Another red flag is if your partner immediately blames any conflict on you.
She said: “Being unfairly attacked when you are not the one who made the mistake can be maddening. It is natural to get upset in this situation.”
She added that a narcissist will take advantage of this and accuse you of being “out of control.”
However, it could be that they are the rageful one.
What is a narcissist?
According to the Mayo Clinic, sufferers can:
- Have an exaggerated sense of self-importance
- Have a sense of entitlement and require constant, excessive admiration
- Expect to be recognised as superior even without achievements that warrant it
- Exaggerate achievements and talents
- Be preoccupied with fantasies about success, power, brilliance, beauty or the perfect mate
- Believe they are superior and can only associate with equally special people
- Monopolise conversations and belittle or look down on people they perceive as inferior
- Take advantage of others to get what they want
- Have an inability or unwillingness to recognise the needs and feelings of others
- Be envious of others and believe others envy them
- Behave in an arrogant or haughty manner, coming across as conceited, boastful and pretentious
‘You’ve ruined it’
The third phrase to beware of is “you’ve ruined it”, as it may be an attempt to “inflict guilt.”
Erin explained: “They may also refuse to speak with you or act as if they are ‘mortally wounded’.
“Either way, they are communicating to you that you are not allowed to confront them or express a feeling in the relationship that they do not like.”
She stressed the importance of talking through issues in a relationship, as this can maintain trust.
The psychotherapist added that if you are “punished” for trying to address a “problem”, it may indicate your partner is “unable to work out conflict.”