NICE BOYS FC
Arsenal vs Porto didn’t go the way we expected, but it kind of went the way we knew it could because we’ve been there in the past against teams like Milan who would always take advantage of Wenger naivete. You can’t sugarcoat this one; we didn’t perform to the level of post-Dubai 2024. We didn’t... Read more »
Arsenal vs Porto didn’t go the way we expected, but it kind of went the way we knew it could because we’ve been there in the past against teams like Milan who would always take advantage of Wenger naivete.
You can’t sugarcoat this one; we didn’t perform to the level of post-Dubai 2024. We didn’t move the ball fast enough, our attacking offering was limp, and we got pulled into a drunken street fight.
The Champions League is unique in the sense that good European teams are very honest about their weaknesses and they’ll counter them by doing things they are good at. ‘Don’t play ball against Arsenal, don’t let them have their way at corners, and take advantage of their youth’ was the brief and it was executed masterfully.
Porto were very good at what they needed to be good at – and they capped a Champions League masterclass with a stunning goal from about 25 yards out.
The ball was in play for 51% of the game – the Bayern vs Lazio game had a 66% figure. I think the Premier League changed the rules when the number was hovering around 57% at the start of the season. Porto has Jose Mourinho dark arts DNA. They slowed the game down with theatrics that were on telenovela levels of cheap drama. Every tackle resulted in a twisted fall, every corner saw about 6 players hit the deck like a dark episode of Band of Brothers, and the ref fell for it all. What was masterful about it was the amount of players participating – when you only have Ben White pinching hips, a ref can contain it. Porto created pure chaos around corners forcing the ref to blow the whistle time and time again. They needed an NFL setup to work out if something real was happening… most of the time, it wasn’t. 37 fouls were called, Arsenal games average about 26, Burnley was 21.
This was a game that really struggled with the lack of a Zinchenko and Gabriel Jesus – our very own chaos merchants. Porto was relaxed in a very structured deep block. They closed off passing lanes to our 10s, their keeper did a brilliant job commanding his box, nullifying our corner advantages, and they had the luck of our wide players having really poor days in the office.
The cherry on top of a rough evening was tasting the finish line only to watch us lose control in the 94th minute. Saliba dithered, Gabriel miscontroled, Declan didn’t close down, David Raya jumped too early and let a 25-yard screamer lob him.
It was a stinger – but if there’s any game for that to happen imn, it’s the first leg against a weaker team at their place.
A painful loss like that can sometimes be exactly what the doctor ordered. Fan hype that we’re good enough to win the Champions League looked silly. Players will now know the levels required. Arteta will know the limitations of his players to make in-game shifts in how they play. We can take them back to a fiery atmosphere in North London and hopefully decapitate them… a little like we did against RC Lens.
As fans, we’ll look for deeper meaning in a bad day at the office, but I wouldn’t ferret around too hard. Teams lose games. We don’t lose many of them. All this talk of a lack of a plan b doesn’t really work for me. We smashed our CL group and we’re within a point of the league leaders. Plan Bs are like insurance, you only notice them when there’s an accident. There haven’t been many accidents this season because we’ve been winning under a multitude of circumstances. Plan B wasn’t the issue – getting tactically controlled was.
If there’s anything that needs further consideration its the Nice Guy FC attitude the clubs has carried over from the old days. I’m watching that new fighter pilot drama on Apple. Our boys are like the pilots from the 50s. High levels of morality, doing things by the book, would get drawn into a bar fight, knock the other guy out, pick him up off the floor, and buy him a pint.
Sometimes you need to pack some guerilla warfare thinking if you want to win games. We weren’t ready for people jumping out of bushes or hiding mousetraps in bowls of fruit. Maybe that’s because we don’t have those types of players at Arsenal. There is no Diego Costa in our team or an Ivan Toney. To reach the next level, we might need to train people up, or hire people in. Because to win at the highest level in 2024, you need a Mane who can discreetly weaponize elbows, a Chiellini who could turn a game with his tricks, or… a Pepe, who at 40 years old nullified kids half his age with his wisdom and dirty trickster tone setting.
The deeper concern for me is how it impacts our momentum. Players will feel tired in the Newcastle game this weekend – Eddie Howe has had a whole week to practice strategems on the training field. Playing one of the most athletic teams in the league with fresher legs is a daunting task after a loss like that.
The game went from a sure fire win to smelling a little like a bore draw – but that’s the difference between title challengers and pretenders. The players have to shake off the doubts, they have to power through the first 20 minutes of heavy legs, and they have to deliver. If they don’t, they’ll exit the season with nothing.
So to wrap it up – this Porto loss is either a mental sharpener or it’s the start of a mini-unravelling.
Let’s see what Arteta has in the locker.