RNC co-chair candidate Lara Trump thinks GOP donors are eager to pay Donald's legal bills

Donald Trump is hoping to be our country’s first dictator—and last, if he can find a cutting-edge gene-editing tool that confers immortality while also allowing one to eat unlimited Hot Pockets. So he kind of has to line up the members of his brain trust now, lest they all find better opportunities hosing viscera off slaughterhouse walls or fighting seagulls for egg salad sandwiches. 

That’s why Trump wants his daughter-in-law Lara to take over as Republican National Committee co-chair. She’s proven her loyalty, and then some, by staying married to his son Eric, and she also has zero shame when it comes to propping up Donald’s wobbly corpus as often as it takes. Also, Donald hates to play favorites, and since his son-in-law Jared got $2 billion for allegedly befriending a vicious murderer, it’s only fair that Lara get a top GOP gig for standing around looking goofy.

And she’s doing that—but she’s also talking. Which Trump may not have anticipated when he decided she should get the job.