Jeremy Clarkson is a useless farmer who can barely hold a hammer but is really good at one job, says Kaleb Cooper
KALEB COOPER from TV’s Clarkson’s Farm admitted once that he had “never been on a train”.
He had never been abroad, had a passport or been in a taxi, boat or bus either.
So a national tour must have come as quite a shock for him.
Which would explain why Kaleb seemed a bit out of his comfort zone when The Sun caught up with him backstage at a London theatre.
But the 26-year-old farmer, who is reluctant ever to venture far from his home in Chipping Norton, Oxon, now reckons “facing fears head on” is the only way to live.
So he sat down in the Cambridge Theatre — more used to showing the musical Matilda based on the kids’ book by Roald Dahl — to chat all things from his farm boss Jeremy Clarkson’s pigs to how he’s coping with his “pigeon pair” of children.
For townie types out there, pigeons always lay two eggs, a boy and a girl — and Kaleb is the proud dad of a young son and daughter.
He has been touring since the start of last month with his talk show The World According To Kaleb. Which means one thing — Jeremy, 63, is in charge of the farm.
“I’m a bit worried about what I’ll be going home to, but fingers crossed . . . ” Kaleb joked.
“He’s supposed to be planting the spring barley and the wheat while I’ve been away, but who knows.
“But he’s learnt a little bit over the five years we’ve been farming together. That said, having a little knowledge is f***ing dangerous.
“He now tries to tell me it’s too windy to go spraying. He can’t tell me that, I taught him.”
Kaleb will tour until March 11 when he returns to the land to see the devastation Jeremy has wrought at the petrolhead Grand Tour host’s Diddly Squat Farm in the Cotswolds where Mr Cooper is the long-suffering manager.
Kaleb made his TV debut in 2021 with the launch of the Amazon Prime show about Jeremy’s farm and has become a firm favourite with viewers for his refusal to let his boss get away with anything.
When asked about Jeremy’s skills, like perhaps at rebuilding a car, Kaleb jokes: “The man can barely hold a hammer.”
The pair, who lovingly call each other “f***ing idiot” (Kaleb to Clarkson) and “rural nitwit” (Clarkson to Kaleb), might spend most of their time bickering but have never spent more than ten minutes in a spat.
“At the end of the day, we’ve got to finish a job and team up together,” Kaleb laments.
But their arguments are so frequent, they could fill a whole TV series.
Especially as Kaleb likes to point out if Jeremy has done things wrong, which he reckons is most of the time.
But while the banter will not end any time soon, Kaleb does have to a painful admission to make about Jeremy.
“Bare with me, it’s hard to get this out,” he says. “He’s not a bad pig farmer. He’s actually really good at it. It’s the one job I can leave him do, and he’s surprisingly good.”
The porkers will feature in the third series of Clarkson’s Farm which launches this May, and Jeremy has been touting his adorable piglets on social media.
“Jeremy has been really good at inventing his own stuff to help with the pigs,” Kaleb tells me.
“He’s great at bringing piglets into the world and takes pride in them. It’s amazing to see. It’s a skill, pig farming. Although, I don’t want to big him up too much.”
Nine piglets
Thankfully, this latest livestock addition has not caused Kaleb as much stress as the farm’s sheep, which he says are “the worst things”.
The pigs are also a hit with Kaleb’s son Oscar, two, and daughter Willa, eight months, who he has with fiancee Taya.
“They’re feral farm kids,” he tells me with a smile. They spend almost as much time at Jezza’s farm as he does, and he isn’t afraid to give advice. I’m not sure it’s the best advice but he does give it.”
While the kids are unbothered by their dad’s famous boss, they are a huge fan of all the farm’s animals.
Kaleb says: “They feed the cows, pet the goats, or are herding pigs. My little boy’s got an obsession with jumping on pigs’ backs. I honestly don’t know why.”
When I suggest he may have a champion pig wrestler on his hands, Kaleb shoots back: “That would be wicked, I’d never have to work again.”
But first he will have to get Oscar to stop licking farm fences.
“I was feeding the cattle and my boy looked at me, stuck his tongue out and licked the whole bar of the gate,” he told me in exasperation.
Then he went: ‘Nice!’. I told him, ‘You’re going to regret that, buddy’. Next thing I know he’s got a chest infection, ear infection. But that’s how you build an immune system, right?”
On the farm, the kids get to play with pigs Maple and Hazelnut as well as nine piglets who have just been born.
And if Oscar and Willa are anything like their dad, they’re sure to want their own animals to join the piggies, Kaleb’s own 200 cows that he farms, and the pet Highland Cow, Heidi, he bought for Heidi.
Kaleb actually grew up away from the farm, with his mum, who ran a mobile dog-grooming business.
Wedding plans
After his parents divorced, he and younger brother Kieron were split up between their parents.
Kaleb stayed with his mum and at age 13 invested in three chickens and sold their eggs door to door to help his mum cover bills.
When he was 14, his mum got him three sheep, and the enterprising teen ended up with 55 breeding ewes that he kept on rented land.
It is all a tall order for his kids to follow, but he does not mind what they end up doing, especially as he has already inspired a legion of mini-farmers.
There is one particular day of the year when he sees how many mini-me’s he has — World Book Day when schoolkids dress up and many choose to be him, inspired by the Clarkson’s Farm book series and his own titles The World According To Kaleb and Britain According To Kaleb.
He says with a grin: “I love being tagged in, and sent, pictures of kids dressed in my ‘uniform’ — I say uniform but mean my work clothes.
“It’s great seeing kids inspired. It warms my heart.”
Unable to resist a jibe at Jeremy, he adds: “It would be hard to dress up as Jeremy because he’s a fossil.”
Some of the children captivated by Clarkson’s Farm have copied Kaleb by buying chickens, and he tries to reply to all his young fans’ messages with words of encouragement.
As his fame has grown, he even met Prime Minister Rishi Sunak at Downing Street last May, joining a farming summit on issues including how to give supermarket suppliers a fair deal.
But away from farming and fame, Kaleb is now looking forward to his wedding after he proposed to Taya at Christmas 2022.
His tour, where he talks about his life, issues facing farmers and, er, Jeremy being an idiot, is the longest he has been away from her.
But they have already booked a venue for their nuptials and, despite insisting “I’m not going to spoil anything”, he caved in when asked if it would be on a farm.
“It will definitely . . . most probably,” he teased. “I’ve got to have my inner nature with myself.”
‘He’s supposed to be planting the spring barley and the wheat while I’ve been away but who knows? He’s learnt a little bit over the last five years’
Kaleb Cooper
Taya is not of farming stock but Kaleb reckons she is “made to be a farmer’s wife”, adding: “She loves it as much as I do.”
Jeremy is sure to be there to see them say “I do” — and maybe tell them what they have done wrong.
While Kaleb has taught Jeremy how to farm, Kaleb admits: “He’s brought me into the TV industry and teaches me about it every day.
“Jeremy gives me hints, from how to stand to appear approachable, and not to put your back to camera.
“I fell into this industry, it swallowed me up and I’ve fallen in love with it.
“And there’s no better person to learn it from than Jeremy.”
He even adds, at great pain: “He makes a good cup of tea.”.