The curious case of Mike Pence
For 1,461 days, Mike Pence was literally a heartbeat, or a lack of one, away from ascending to the most powerful office in the world.
Pence, of course, was the vice president to the most corrupt, morally busted president in U.S. history from 2017 to 2021. He was unflinchingly loyal to the traitor, Donald J. Trump, and often at an embarrassingly pathetic level.
He had the singular talent of melting away into the background and making himself completely invisible, while his orange boss harrumphed his way around the world making our country look small, while becoming more bloated and full of himself by the day.
Pence knew his proper place in the administration was as far away from the limelight as possible. He was nothing but an expensive blue suit who hung himself neatly in the closet at the end of each lonely day spent in the shadows during those four long years.
He was the perfect No. 2 for a sick, malignant narcissist, who has never been able to see anything past the end of those signature red ties that slop across his fat belly and hang down over his fat, little feet. Everything was about this wreck of a man, and if Pence wasn’t good with that, nobody, with the possible exception of his wife, Mother, would have known it.
Cabinet members came and went during those chaotic four years, some exiting Trump’s wobbly orbit loudly calling him “a moron,” while others slithered away more quietly, and out of the line of fire with hopes of landing a book deal and well-paid gigs on Rupert Murdoch’s noxious, right-wing propaganda channel.
But Pence stayed put, staring straight ahead and far off into the distance literally thinking God knows what, while his boss defended Nazis, Putin, and greedy billionaires, and attacked our environment, human rights, and Democracy.
It wasn’t until four years ago this month when Pence finally got his shot to actually do something good and meaningful for our country, which was spiraling into the death grips of a killer pandemic his broken boss had done everything to hide.
Just when it seemed like things couldn’t get any worse, we were faced with the grueling possibility that a pandemic could kill millions of us, while the orange parasitical tumor somehow hung on to survive four more years in our White House.
Trump’s approvals shot up to the highest level of his presidency, as many desperate Americans hoped that maybe, just maybe, he could finally rise to the occasion and do something right for just once in his miserable life.
That’s when he did the most predictable thing ever and tapped Pence to led his Coronavirus Task Force. The economy was beginning to tank, fear was rampant, death was all around us, and now Trump was suddenly the guy who was looking to become invisible and blend into the orange woodwork.
He needed a fall guy but quick to take the hit for his repulsive dereliction of duty.
Well, Pence stepped in and something curious happened: He actually did a half-decent job. Pence calmly gave daily press briefings and assured the American public that everything was being done to combat this dangerous airborne virus.
Flanked by Dr. Anthony Fauci, Americans saw something they hadn’t witnessed in four years: calm and competence.
The reviews were good, which quickly became very bad news for him.
Just like that, the slobbering attention-hog Trump was back on the scene, and within weeks was comfortably acting the part of the big, know-it-all buffoon and pitching Lysol to help us wash down our meals.
No way he was going to let his vice president be the face of this hit reality TV show.
Well, we know how it all ended.
Trump almost died from the pandemic he refused to take seriously, and then Pence almost died certifying our vote when his dark lord let loose his orcs in the Capitol on January 6, 2021.
Four years later, both men are still with us, but have ended up in two very different places. Thanks to a cooperating attorney general, Merrick Garland, who it turns out isn’t much interested in law and order, Trump has successfully avoided jail for his traitorous attack on America, while Pence has re-wrapped himself in some odd version of Christianity and tried to quietly restore whatever dignity he once had before so willingly surrendering it to evil.
He ran one of the most inconsequential presidential campaigns in history last year, branding himself as a real conservative Republican. Trouble was, there was already something far more shiny, and a woman no less, occupying that shrinking lane in their eroding party.
Nikki Haley, not Pence, would end up being the weak GOP alternative to the ghastly and poisonous Trump.
Haley, of course, fell away, too, but not before letting the fascist forces in MAGA’s GOP know they still had some work to do to earn her endorsement.
If Haley still had a sliver of power inside of her crumbling party, it looked like it was most certainly the end of the story for Pence, who could now fade away into the farmlands of Indiana to join his buddy, Dan Quayle. The two former Hoosier VPs could trade stories as two of the most notable footnotes in American history — both second fiddles to failed, off-key, one-term Republican presidents.
Then last Friday the wind suddenly shifted and Pence took to the Fox propaganda airways and decided to let everybody know he’d changed his tune. Though to hear him tell it, he was still singing from the same sheet of music he always had.
“It should come as no surprise that I will not be endorsing Donald Trump this year,” he said matter-of-factly.
He was right. It wasn’t surprising, it was completely shocking.
After all, this was the same guy who raised his hand like a rocket during a GOP debate last fall when the group of presidential wannabes on the stage were asked if they would support Trump as the party's nominee even if he were convicted of a crime.
By Sunday, he was really pouring it on taking his former boss to task for calling the lowlifes who attacked our country and wanted him dead, “hostages.”
"I think it's very unfortunate at a time that there are American hostages being held in Gaza that the President or any other leader will refer to people that are moving through our justice system as hostages," Pence said Sunday on Face the Nation. "It's just unacceptable."
Where has this guy been?
I’ve heard too many people say, that by also making it clear he won’t be voting for Joe Biden, Pence’s words are completely worthless. This is just about the worst political take I have ever heard.
Mike Pence didn’t need to say anything. Something or someone changed his mind. And if something or someone was capable of changing Pence’s mind, then Pence and his actions, however late, were capable of changing the minds of others who are still on the fence about supporting the gruesome Trump. In an election that could be close, these are the things that can make a real difference.
Trump is now running unopposed, but still netted only 78 percent of the vote in the battleground state of Arizona in Tuesday’s presidential primary. He got just 79 percent of the vote in Ohio, and 75 percent in Kansas.
There are a helluva lot of Republican voters who’d rather he just finally went away, and Pence is telling us he is one of them.
Look, I disagree with Pence on almost everything on the political spectrum. His ugly, white 1950s take on America is gross and insulting to everybody who has fought for their rightful place to be stitched into America’s colorful fabric.
The guy doesn't deserve a Profile in Courage Award, but he did think it was important enough to put his life on the line once again, this time by saying publicly that he doesn’t think Trump, the guy he faithfully served for four years, should ever be our president again.
It’s a big, damn deal, and I’m shocked more people don’t see it that way.
D. Earl Stephens is the author of “Toxic Tales: A Caustic Collection of Donald J. Trump’s Very Important Letters” and finished up a 30-year career in journalism as the Managing Editor of Stars and Stripes. Follow @EarlofEnough and on his website.