I don’t care who it offends – blondes DO have more fun. Stars from Sydney Sweeney to Beyonce prove we’re back on top
THE following words come with a trigger warning.
Fasten your seatbelts, my woke friends, because I’m here to remind you that it is in fact true: Blondes have more fun.
I know, it does rather fly in the face of all this modern-day jiggery wokery to even suggest such a thing.
How very dare I? I’m sure it’s highly unfashionable. It’s positively archaic. And probably even offensive to some.
Because in these politically correct times in which we live, it’s been great to see that we have finally come to accept that women come in all different shapes, shades, colours and sizes, so to suggest that only the fair-haired variety are capable of having a great time is insulting.
It’s a slogan that’s been nigh-on banned and one that, I suspect, might only be whispered in hushed breaths in quiet corners of secret blonde members’ clubs.
Plucky courage
But after The White Lotus actress Sydney Sweeney practically blew up the internet with her performance on US TV chat show Saturday Night Live, proving she has zero qualms about hypnotising the world with her ample assets, paired with her platinum tresses and enviable sexiness, it could just be that the tide is turning on Generation Woke.
She showed there was no shame in being blonde.
And she was utterly unapologetic about using what God gave her — and the world loves her for it.
Even her family know the value of her incredible look.
In a recent interview, she told how her grandparents had complimented her curves after seeing her on the big screen.
Or as Sydney, 26, put it: “They said I have the best t*ts in Hollywood.”
Coupled with the recent Barbie movie — which turned what used to be an idealised, sexualised and objectified version of what we were told a woman should look like into a whole new feminist movement — Sydney might just be making being blonde into something we can once again be proud of.
Pop star Sabrina Carpenter is fully embracing the sexy, retro blonde look, where being platinum and wearing tight clothing is no longer a crime against fashion or taste. It’s a sign of pride and plucky courage.
Let’s face it, even Beyonce and Kim Kardashian have adopted the blonde bombshell look — clear proof that there really is only so much fun you can have being brunette without at least giving blonde a go.
I speak as a blonde, of course. I wasn’t around when the slogan was created in the 1950s to advertise a certain hair dye brand with the question, “Is it true that blondes have more fun?”, creating tension between blondes and brunettes and establishing a hair colour hierarchy.
The suggestion was definitely that blondes did have more fun and were more desirable.
And the most famous blonde of all time, Marilyn Monroe, embodied everything you could imagine that would be fun and ample and flirtatious and alluring.
She has never been replicated. We all want to have that Marilyn factor, and if it means dyeing our hair blonde, then that’s what we’ll do.
Soon after Marilyn set the standard for blonde perfection, into the spotlight stepped French “sex kitten” Brigitte Bardot — another brunette who saw the light in terms of hair colour, changing her shade for a 1956 Italian film and sticking with it.
She was followed in the Eighties and Nineties by blonde Hollywood sex symbol Heather Graham — Austin Powers’s love interest Felicity Shagwell — and Baywatch swimsuit icon Pamela Anderson.
In more recent times, Love Islander Molly Smith has been flying the flag for peroxide pride.
I have to confess, I didn’t at all get why it should be true that blondes have more fun.
I came from Sweden, where (without exaggeration), virtually every single woman is blonde.
And some of them looked quite miserable at times. As a blonde you were nothing special. You weren’t the exception. You were the rule.
Until I came to the UK, that is. That’s when I stood out like a Belisha beacon.
I definitely got a lot of attention. And by the time I found fame as a weather presenter at 21, I’d grown a decent pair of knockers, too. So I really was the whole package.
And it turns out there is even scientific fact to back it all up.
In 2008, research at Nottingham Trent Uni found that blonde women feel more attractive, are more daring, have higher levels of self-confidence and are even likely to be more adventurous in the bedroom.
We also know that gentlemen prefer blondes.
So all this points towards 1,000 reasons why being blonde is something to be proud of.
However, over the past decade or so, it hasn’t entirely been the case.
Of course, it’s quite right that we should have diversity and inclusivity in our vision and images of women.
Not all females are Barbie dolls with tiny waists, big bazookas and long, blonde hair.
I always felt like a reluctant blonde, because I always felt the proximity of the words blonde and stupid was a bit too close for comfort
Ulrika Jonsson
I love that we see older women on billboards and those with wide waists and thighs that could crush a walnut.
But it may just have been at the exclusion of the good old-fashioned blonde.
She’s been sidelined a bit, I fear, and people have delighted in reminding us that blondes are often dumb, too.
Maybe that’s why I always felt like a reluctant blonde, because I always felt the proximity of the words blonde and stupid was a bit too close for comfort.
The assumption was that you couldn’t possibly be blonde and clever. In short, we were bimbos.
Thanks in part to Sydney Sweeney, who is Making Blonde Great Again — and others on whose shoulders and highlights she stands — it’s OK to be loud and proud about being blonde.
Think what you like, but there is no way you could accuse Beyonce of being dumb just ’cos she’s blonde.
And for me, the greatest of them all — greater even than Monroe — who has blown everyone else out of the water over the years with her songwriting, comedic and acting talent and business acumen is the wondrous Dolly Parton.
Despite being a pocket rocket at only 4ft 11in, she has ensured she has never been overlooked because she is so unequivocally unashamed of being blonde and colourful.
And while her feet may never have seen daylight due to her huge breasts, she has never changed her image, as being blonde is her identity.
And Dolly has the ultimate answer to the snide comments: “I’m not offended by all the dumb blonde jokes because I know I’m not dumb . . . and I also know that I’m not blonde.”
She is my hero. She has always paved her own road and never deviated from her blonde persona.
So I’ll hold my blonde head up damn high and recall Dolly’s words loudly and proudly: “You’d be surprised how much it costs to look this cheap.”
