I don’t know why but both my dad and my husband seemed to despise me
DEAR DEIDRE: I DON’T know why but both my father and my husband seemed to despise me.
They both put me down, criticising my efforts and treating me like the skivvy.
I had my own interests but they both discouraged me, saying I was too clumsy to dance or too big to play sport.
Having grown up with an emotionally abusive father, I vowed never to date a man like him – but that’s exactly what happened.
I’m a 58-year-old woman. I was married to my husband for 20 years but three years ago I divorced him.
My father died at about the same time, from a heart attack.
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I grieved for him but it was complicated because of how he behaved towards me.
After years of being badly treated I want to learn how to be happy again.
I have lovely friends who try their hardest to pick me up when I am down, but I don’t know how to let go of all the pain and be happy.
MORE FROM DEAR DEIDRE
DEIDRE SAYS: If you grew up feeling rejected by your dad, then there was always a good chance you’d find a partner who treated you in the same way.
Subconsciously we tend to be drawn to what’s familiar, even if it is something that makes us unhappy.
A counsellor can help you to deal with any unresolved trauma with your dad, and my support pack Want To Learn About Counselling explains more.