Phil Thomas: Sir Jim Ratcliffe thinks he can sell his Man Utd duds… but who in their right mind would pay for them?

LET’S assume for one minute that Erik ten Hag was being a little economical with the truth.

Let’s assume the bulk of Manchester United’s squad — despite the manager’s denials — are available if the right offer comes in. However massive that ‘if’ may be.

Considering this is the man who thinks United are one of the most dynamic and entertaining teams around, it’s clearly unwise to take everything he says as Gospel.

So now, let’s just imagine you are director of football at a top-six club, with a ticket to Selhurst Park tomorrow when Ten Hag and his team face Crystal Palace.

Barring long-term absences, both are at full strength — this is theoretical, remember — and the remit is to find any players capable of taking your team to the next level.

Given the relative size, finances and clout, you’d imagine most would be in United shirts. And you would imagine wrong.

Probably Bruno Fernandes, but beyond him? Hmmm.

Yet as for the Eagles — well, there’s Eberechi Eze, Marc Guehi, Michael Olise and Jean-Philippe Mateta for sure.

And while that ignores a ring-fenced United trio of Alejandro Garnacho, Kobbie Mainoo and Rasmus Hojlund, it doesn’t include Palace’s freshly-signed Adam Wharton either.

While it shows again what a job sporting director Dougie Freedman is doing, for once this isn’t about why he should have been the first man Sir Jim Ratcliffe brought in.

It is about why Sir Jim’s grand plan to offload United’s big-earning flops is nothing more than hot air.

It is the stuff of fantasy. It cannot and will not happen.

And it’s why the bulk of the supposed £150million transfer kitty may be needed to pay off the duds if he does plan to sweep the decks.

United, in a nutshell, are stuck with them.

For someone who is supposedly planning a great Red rebuild, Ratcliffe and his Ineos boys are acting more like cost-cutters. A Wembley ticket here, a coach fare there, a quid or two all over.

Yet when it comes to the big stuff, the £300,000-a-week ones such as Casemiro and Rafa Varane, how do United shift them?

Quite simply, they don’t.

There is talk that one, maybe both, will be offered big-money deals in Saudi Arabia. The same was said of keeper David de Gea, now training at Altrincham.

It didn’t happen before and there’s every chance it won’t this summer, however much Sir Jim and Dave Brailsford cross their fingers and pray. The fact is there are no dream exits.

Football, as Ratcliffe and Brailsford will discover, isn’t a computer game. It isn’t like cycling or fracking. If getting rid is the plan, a logjam is the reality.

Too many are on contracts way bigger than they merit. Ones they will never get again. It’s why they won’t go without a massive pay-off.

Last year Scott McTominay and Harry Maguire could have left, but stuck it out.

And ironically both have been among United’s top performers this season.

Next term, though, Ten Hag could have a squad packed with men who know they aren’t wanted. Who won’t go unless they have a huge cheque in the back pocket.

That’s why the manager says it is wrong to suggest most of his players are up for grabs. He can’t say anything else.

Otherwise, he immediately lowers the asking price to any would-be buyer, knowing United want rid, even if you look beyond the wages issue.

Any ‘experts’ smugly spouting off on TV about how the newspapers have it wrong are the mugs by not seeing it.

Not for the first time, either, but that’s an entire pullout, never mind another column — and not the issue here.

This season has been a harsh lesson for United and a painful reminder of just how far this club has fallen.

Yet not nearly as harsh as the summer facing Sir Jim — and no amount of cancelled staff credit cards and free toast will make the slightest dent on that.

IS SLOT’S REP INFLATED?

ACCORDING to former Dutch striker Johnny Rep, there is no reason why Arne Slot shouldn’t win the title in his first year at Liverpool.

Which begs a couple of questions about the man who is about to fill Jurgen Klopp’s mighty boots at Anfield.

If the Feyenoord boss is such a coaching genius, why did he only appear on the radar when Xabi Alonso and Ruben Amorim no longer were? And why have PSV strolled the Eredivisie?

Of course, Slot might show Rep’s faith is well-founded. But in reality, his major job is going to be steadying the ship in a huge post-Klopp summer.

For while some might believe Reds’ recent wobbles make a thankless job slightly less so, others argue it is a warning of trouble ahead.

Will Mo Salah stay? Are his best days behind him even if he does? Is Virgil van Dijk as good as he was?

What about the likes of Harvey Elliott, Dominik Szoboszlai, Ryan Gravenberch and Wataru Endo?

None of them top class, but can he now squeeze as much from them as Klopp did?

They should get Slot’s signature on the contract sharpish… if he starts thinking the same, that search for a new boss might not be over after all.

TUCHY SUBJECT

BAYERN MUNICH, like Liverpool, are one of the biggest clubs in the world.

And Bayern, like Liverpool, have had a hell of a job finding a new manager.

Yet while the hunt appears over on Merseyside, in Munich it rumbles on — and the German giants grow more red-faced as it does.

CASINO SPECIAL – BEST CASINO WELCOME OFFERS

Xabi Alonso chose to stick with Bayer Leverkusen, then Ralf Rangnick felt remaining as Austria gaffer was more appealing. It is one embarrassment after another… and could get worse.

Current boss Thomas Tuchel would see to that by lifting the Champions League. In which case, don’t bet against Bayern chiefs trying to talk him into staying on after all.