Breaking the cycle of silence on postpartum depression | GUEST COMMENTARY

Anything longer than a short stint of the “baby blues” is still not considered normal for new moms and certainly not something to openly discuss.

As I watch my daughter grow up, I keep an ever-expanding mental file of topics I will broach with her when she’s older: No one you love should ever make you feel bad about yourself. Relationships take a lot of work and commitment. If you want a baby, be prepared for postpartum depression and/or anxiety.

This last piece of advice is not something we women share, even though so many of us suffer. When a new mom has a baby, the world expects them to feel instant happiness. A few negative feelings are acceptable — temporarily. Frustration with sleep deprivation, difficulties with breastfeeding and colic are expected.

But anything longer than a short stint of the “baby blues” is still not considered normal for new moms and certainly not something to openly discuss.

Because I had never heard much about perinatal mental health disorders, I didn’t know I was suffering from postpartum depression and anxiety after the birth of my daughter Jordyn, 11. After a normal pregnancy, I was filled with dread, brought on by continuous intrusive thoughts. Overwhelming fears consumed my day. I constantly worried that something terrible would happen to Jordyn. It became so acute that I slept with her to keep her safe. I stopped eating normally, wasn’t showering and didn’t want to be around people.

I didn’t start to feel better until Jordyn was about 6 months old. By then I was forcing myself to walk regularly, journal my thoughts, and socialize, all of which helped me recover.

Even after I came out on the other side, I didn’t understand that I had suffered from perinatal mental health disorders. Now I know I am not alone and that what I experienced was common and treatable. One in five women experiences a mental health disorder during pregnancy and up to 12 months after giving birth. These disorders can also be triggered by the loss of a pregnancy or a baby.

Like me, hundreds of thousands of parents suffer silently. I felt so alone and assumed it must be a problem with me. Because of a lack of information and awareness, women can feel embarrassed and ashamed. They often worry that if they admit they are struggling, they will be considered an unfit mother or even have their child placed in protective custody. That is part of why only 25% of women with postpartum depression ever get treatment.

Unfortunately, most women don’t understand the scope of the problem until it affects them. When I gave birth to my son AJ four years ago, I didn’t expect the same issues. I thought it was an isolated problem, chalking it up to being a first-time mom. But perinatal mental health issues hit me again like a truck. I cried when I was alone, wanting to hide my distress from my husband. I loved my new baby, but I worried I had made a mistake having a second child. Even as he turned 6 months, I was still suffering and kept raging anxiety bottled up. I thought to myself that if this was normal, more people would be talking about it. Instead, I heard nothing.

It wasn’t until I stumbled onto a website about postpartum depression that I finally felt a sense of relief, a burden lifted off my shoulders. I knew it wasn’t just me. The information from Postpartum Support International (postpartum.net/) was empowering. It pinned a name onto what I was experiencing.

My mother never said anything to me about postpartum depression or anxiety because no one ever said anything to her about it. I am determined to break that cycle with my daughter. If she decides to have children, I want her to know she needs to prepare and find resources to get her through depression or anxiety if they arise. I will tell her not to hesitate to talk to her doctor about her feelings. I will make sure she won’t be lulled into thinking she has the “baby blues” and then feeling isolated when negative thoughts last longer than a few days.

These conversations must start happening for women’s sake. This Mother’s Day, let’s make it a priority to educate our daughters, families, and friends. Check in with new mothers who may be suffering (and remember they may not show it). We owe it to ourselves to talk about this, to raise each other up, and to shatter the stigma surrounding perinatal mental health disorders.

Jenn Davis is the Chapters and Affiliates Director for Postpartum Support International. If you need assistance with postpartum depression or other perinatal mental health disorders, contact Postpartum Support International at 1-800-944-4PPD (4773) or Text “Help” to 1-800-944-4773 (English) or 971-203-7773 (Spanish), visit postpartum.net or download the Connect by PSI app.