Afternoon Edition: What's next for The Onion?

Good afternoon, Chicago. ✶

In today's newsletter, we're looking into what's next for the satire news website The Onion after its recent purchase by a Chicago-based company.

Plus, we've got reporting on an ongoing ransomware attack at Ascension hospitals, a Chicago Teachers Union field trip to lobby in Springfield and more community news you need to know below. ????

⏱️: A 7-minute read

— Matt Moore, newsletter reporter (@MattKenMoore)

TODAY’S TOP STORY

New Chicago-based company Global Tetrahedron wants to make The Onion great again

Reporting by Amy Yee

Heard this one before? A tech CEO, a disinformation reporter and two social media experts enter a Zoom call. It might sound like the start of a joke, but that’s how four near-strangers bought the Chicago-based satire website The Onion.

Meet Global Tetrahedron: The owners formed a new Chicago-based company, called Global Tetrahedron, and bought The Onion last month from G/O Media for an undisclosed sum. Global Tetrahedron is a fictional company that grew into a "multinational behemoth" in The Onion’s 1999 book "Our Dumb Century."

Midwestern roots: The humor website, self-described as "America’s Finest News Source," was founded in 1988 by two University of Wisconsin-Madison students, initially as a print publication. The paper moved to New York City in 2000, then relocated to Chicago in 2012. The Onion and its 17 employees will stay in Chicago. 

Dicey conditions: The Onion was "kneecapped" by its previous owners, G/O Media, said Leila Brillson, The Onion's chief marketing officer. G/O Media pigeonholed The Onion as a website rather than as a strong multimedia brand with books, a social media presence and big potential for merchandise, live events, partnerships and more, she said.

Future plans: There are plans to bring back a print edition of The Onion, though it won’t be the weekly it once was. The website will remain free, and Brillson brainstormed ideas such as offering memberships to The Onion and special offers like extra jokes. Brillson, previously head of social media at Bumble and the former social lead at TikTok, is also enthusiastic about The Onion capitalizing on social media.

Layers of an Onion headline: "An Onion headline is usually the joke, which lends itself so well to social media," Brillson said. Some favorites include "Kitten Thinks Of Nothing But Murder All Day" and "Winner Didn’t Even Know It Was Pie-Eating Contest."

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WHAT ELSE IS GOING ON?

• Lincoln Park owls die: Rodenticide poisoning was likely the cause behind the recent deaths of three great horned owls that stole the hearts of the Lincoln Park community, experts say.
   
• Ascension hospitals cyberattack: A ransomware attack has forced hospital group Ascension’s computer systems offline and diverted ambulances away from some of its emergency departments, including one in the Chicago area.
   
• $41M medical malpractice lawsuit: Eight years after a stroke left one side of his body paralyzed, Craig Pierce can no longer practice law or get around without the help of his wife and grandchildren. But a $41 million lawsuit award will give him the round-the-clock care he needs. 
   
• Remembering Steve Tucker: Mr. Tucker, who died Friday in Evanston at age 74, spent 28 years at the Sun-Times, rising from a stringer to high school sports editor. He left two impressive legacies. Tucker was an early champion for girls and women’s sports coverage, and "his ability to hire and mentor young reporters was striking," writes Michael O'Brien.
   
• CTU in Springfield: Chicago Public Schools and the Chicago Teachers Union plan to turn up the heat on state lawmakers Wednesday, with more than 600 staff being given the day away from classrooms to go to Springfield to rally for more revenue.
   
• Democratic convention transportation plan? With the Democratic National Convention just three months away, the City Council's Public Safety Committee Chair Brian Hopkins is demanding answers about how convention delegates will be shuttled around the city and what impact that will have on people who live and work in Chicago.
   
• Illinois dogs compete: More than 60 dogs from Illinois were selected to compete in this year’s Westminster Kennel Club Dog Show, according to organizers.
   
• 3.5 stars for ‘Full Court Press’: This fascinating series documents the joys and pressures of star athletes Caitlin Clark, Kiki Rice and Kamilla Cardoso during a historic era for women’s college basketball, writes Sun-Times critic Richard Roeper.

SUN-TIMES STAFF SUGGESTS ????️

Find something delicious from Pecking Order

Today's Sun-Times staff suggestion comes from our photographer Pat Nabong, who recommends trying some delicious pastries from Pecking Order Chicago .

Fond memories: "When I think about these pastries from Pecking Order Chicago, it feels like being in two places at the same time: the flavors transport me to the Philippines, where I grew up, but it is also distinctly Filipino American, and reminds me of summer afternoons spent snacking on it by the lake," Pat tells me.

What to get: "While this mother-and-daughter, Filipino-owned business sells familiar Filipino dishes like bibingka (a rice cake dessert) and adobo (chicken or pork marinated in soy sauce and vinegar), my favorites are the pastries that I have not tasted anywhere in the Philippines," Pat says. "One of these pastries has a thick, slightly sweet and savory crust that envelops longganisa, a sweet pork sausage that Filipinos often eat for breakfast. Other variations of these pastries feature ube (purple yam).

Where to find them: The Logan Square Farmers Market (every Sunday through Oct. 27) and the Andersonville Farmers Market (every Wednesday through Oct. 23). In the winter, they accept orders and catering requests online.

BRIGHT ONE ✨

Pink, lip gloss and sparkles: a day of mother-daughter shopping and pampering

Reporting by Mariah Rush

Jacalyn Stoeck is the princess of the day. Flanked by her mother, friend and sister, the 8-year-old will be crowned by the end of her visit to the Pretty Spirit Palace in Mount Greenwood.

In matching hot-pink dresses, the trio of girls are ready to indulge in an afternoon full of pampering, DIY beauty and fun. 

Pretty Spirit Palace was created to be a young girl’s dream — or at least the dream of anyone who loves pink and making their own lip gloss and sparkles.

Owner Juanysha Payton moved the boutique — the palace, as Payton calls it — to 3225 W. 111th St. in April. To attract a Mother’s Day crowd, it has been offering Queen & Princess packages for mothers and daughters.

During her visit, Jacalyn is being treated to a free princess makeup session along with other goodies as the monthly winner of the palace’s giveaway. Jacalyn’s 11-year-old sister, Danielle, is along for the ride, as well as their friend, Mona O’Connel, also 11.

The shop is designed to bring children and their parents together in a stress-free environment for grown-ups — a glam squad does all the work.

Together, mothers and daughters — dubbed queens and princesses — can indulge in gel manicures, DIY fashion and accessories customization and DIY beauty product creation. Offerings also include "princess" makeup, "crowned" hairstyles and a boutique store.

While the adults can hang in the waiting room, most stay with their child as they make one of the palace’s staple crafts — perfume, T-shirts and lip gloss. On this day, most mothers watch their daughters get pampered by Payton and her team.

"I’m a little jealous," said mom Kahlia Kyser as 4-year-old Haley White got sparkles dusted across her face. "I wish I had this growing up."

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YOUR DAILY QUESTION ☕️

What is your all-time favorite headline from The Onion?

Email us (please include your first and last name). To see the answers to this question, check our Morning Edition newsletter. Not subscribed to Morning Edition? Sign up here so you won’t miss a thing!

ONE MORE THING ????

On Friday, Sun-Times staffers earned 15 top honors in the Chicago Headline Club’s yearly Peter Lisagor Awards for Exemplary Journalism.

Another award also recognized a Sun-Times collaboration with colleagues at WBEZ Chicago, which notched six of its own honors, bringing a total of 22 Lisagors to the Chicago Public Media newsrooms.

Among Friday's winners was this very newsletter, taking home the win for "best email newsletter." 

It's an honor to receive that recognition for Afternoon Edition, a newsletter that would not be possible without the incredible work by my colleagues that I get to feature every day — work that is powered by support from our members and generous donors.

To our members, donors and subscribers to this newsletter, THANK YOU!

It's a privilege getting to cover our great city. ????❤️

Thanks for reading the Sun-Times Afternoon Edition. 
Got a story you think we missed? Email us here.

Editor: Satchel Price
Newsletter reporter: Matt Moore
Copy editor: Angie Myers