My secret wedding plans led to disaster

DEAR DEIDRE: My partner dumped me because she felt the trust had gone in our relationship when all along I was secretly planning our wedding. 

All the random phone calls to venues and research I was doing made her feel paranoid so she broke up with me.

That was almost a year ago and I am still struggling. I am 42 and my ex is 40. We have both been divorced. I had no idea my actions were making her paranoid. I thought I was being loving and thoughtful.

I actually showed my friends the messages and all my wedding plans but in the background some people twisted things, accusing me of cheating. I didn’t realise at the time how many of my so-called friends were making up lies.

This has broken my heart because I actually thought I was doing something romantic and loving. 

At the time I didn’t realise how deep my ex’s trust issues went. I know she was previously cheated on but that was nothing to do with me.

DEIDRE SAYS: I’m sorry. Even the best-laid plans sometimes go wrong but this isn’t about you – the insecurities are all hers.

She has been hurt in a past relationship and tries to stay one step ahead by suggesting that you’re cheating, purely to protect herself.

You will feel better in time and find the strength to start afresh. My support pack Moving On, will help you to do this. Don’t bottle up your feelings, you’ll feel happier if you can talk to someone.

MORE FROM DEAR DEIDRE

Relative values

I don’t want my evil family anywhere near my son

DEIDRE'S STORIES

Reggie feels anxious about the pain he's experiencing