On June 16, the 77th Tony Awards will convene a who's who of very pretty, very creatively gifted people who—underneath all that pomp and circumstance—are just the theater kids you knew and probably hated in high school. If you're anything like me, you have theater kid energy with none of the talent so, year after year, you settle for seeing as many productions in order to live vicariously through these dorks-cum-demigods. Between Merrily We Roll Along, An Enemy of the People, Stereophonic, and The Outsiders, it was a very crowded season. Personally, I'm upset that Oh Mary! isn't eligible (it would make a lot of these decisions a hell of a lot easier) but regardless, here are Jezebel's predictions for the most competitive categories. There's a couple nominees that seem like locks and I’ve labeled them as such. I also took the liberty of adding my personal picks, despite my ill-informed, not-even-a-little-bit-of-a-theater-critic mind, as well as the dark horse contenders. Frankly, I don't have the financial capability—nor the patience to walk through Times Square more than twice a month—to see all of the nominees, but my bank account has never stopped me from having an opinion on things I know little about, so here we go! Best Musical [caption id="attachment_570766" align="aligncenter" width="676"] Photo: Instagram[/caption] The Nominees: Hell's Kitchen Illinoise The Outsiders Suffs Water for Elephants Bet on: Hell's Kitchen. Given the production credits reads like a who's who of music, it's difficult to imagine this not taking it. Here's a small sample of the soundtrack: Alicia Keys, Jay Z, Pharrell Williams, Drake, SIA, Swiss Beatz, Ryan Tedder, Johnny McDaid, and yes, Kanye "Ye" West (unfortunately). Critics have also described the vocals as being "titanic" and "powerhouse," which certainly helps. Would love to see it: llinoise. Hello, its source material is Sufjan Stevens' 2005 concept album! Dark Horse: The Outsiders. Now, not all that glitters is golden (Ponyboy) but never underestimate the power of Angelina Jolie, the show's most famous producer. It says something that this was the first production this new kid on the Broadway block put her name on. Best Play View this post on Instagram A post shared by Broadway.com (@broadwaycom) The Nominees: Jaja's African Hair Braiding Mary Jane Mother Play Prayer For The French Republic Stereophonic Bet on: Unfortunately, Stereophonic. From the day it made its off-Broadway debut, it's been every critic's darling. Former New York Times reviewer Ben Brantley, for example, deemed it "hands-down the best American play since the pandemic." That said, when I finally saw it in May, my expectations were every bit as high as I'd be if I inhaled all the production's marijuana smoke. But what I found was yet another taxing retelling of a Fleetwood Mac dupe's downfall. The accents (from Laurel Canyon stoner to pseudo-posh Brit) were distracting, the dialogue was at times astoundingly bad that it became difficult to follow, and the pacing was so laborious that I suspect it was why some attendees left early. In short, I spent the entire second act debating whether I was hungry enough to tackle The Caniac Combo afterward. I was. Would love to see it: Jaja's African Hair Braiding, because every other narrative in this category has been done and decorated before. Dark Horse: Mother Play. Jessica Lange, the Michael Jordan of bad mother portrayals, portrays a bad mother. Enough said. Best Costumes of a play/musical Play: View this post on Instagram A post shared by Stereophonic: Live on Broadway (@stereophonicplay) Jaja's African Hair Braiding, Dede Ayite Appropriate, Dede Ayite Stereophonic, Enver Chakartash Purlie Victorious: A Non-Confederate Romp Through the Cotton Patch, Emilio Sosa An…
