I’ve got feelings for my male boss – do I tell my long-term female partner?

DEAR DEIDRE: SINCE I’ve been working closely with my male boss, I have been questioning my feelings for my long-term partner – as well as my sexuality.

We have been sorting out a building project together and now I can’t stop thinking about him.

I’m a 54-year-old man. My female partner is 52, and we’ve been happy together for more than 20 years. My boss is in his late fifties and I think he is single.

I’d never thought of him as anything other than my manager before.

But since we’ve been on this project, we have just clicked. We have the same work ethic, a similar sense of humour and even support the same football team. Now I get into the office early so I can be close to him for longer. I also lie in bed thinking about him.

He has no idea how I really feel and I don’t know what to do.

I am scared I will wreck my relationship and I also realise I could lose my job.

Maybe I should walk away.

But I enjoy my work and don’t want to quit.

Do I tell my boss how I feel and hope he feels the same way, or should I keep my feelings hidden and stay with my partner?

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DEIDRE SAYS: You can have a same-sex attraction even if you are not gay and have never felt this way before.

My support pack Bisexual Questions explains more and details sources of help.

But your boss’s gender isn’t the only issue. Choosing to be with this man could destroy your relationship and your career.

Try to be strong and avoid declaring your feelings while you work through them.

You might find they die away or change over time. If something is missing in your life, think about how you can improve your relationship and social life.