My husband’s sudden death during routine operation has completely devastated me

DEAR DEIDRE: MY husband went into hospital for a routine operation on his knee and never woke up again.

His sudden death has completely devastated me. I am 71. My husband was 73.

We had been married for almost 50 years and were going to have a big celebration later in the year.

He was generally fit and well, but he had been complaining a few days before his operation that he felt a bit unwell.

I blame myself for his death, for not listening to him.

I would like to ask my husband’s surgeon if he could help me understand what happened.

I didn’t think I could feel so heartbroken, angry and a nuisance all at the same time.

My emotions are all over the place. Sometimes I think that I was to blame and should have done more.

His operation was cancelled so many times, but he was in good spirits.

I just miss him so much. It is a physical pain. I am so confused as to what to do next.

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DEIDRE SAYS: Guilt is a common feeling when we become bereaved, no matter what the circumstances so don’t be harsh on yourself.

It will take time to come to terms with your sudden loss.

This wasn’t your fault and you could not have foreseen what would happen.

Cruse bereavement care will understand how you feel and give you good advice (cruse.org.uk, 0808 808 1677).

My support pack Coping With Bereavement will help you too.