Fantasising about my wife and mate is the only way I can orgasm

DEAR DEIDRE: Fantasising about my mate in bed with my Mrs is the only way I can climax these days.

It’s one of my favourite sexual fantasies but I’m not about to suggest it becomes reality.

My friend knows nothing about it – it’s just something which plays over and over in my mind when I’m having sex with my partner.

She doesn’t live with me and in fact, we aren’t even married but we have a few nights together every week.

We have enjoyed a good sex life for 10 years but more recently, I have to really concentrate to get myself to climax. Is this a normal thing as you get older?

I don’t smoke but I drink the occasional pint.

I’m a fit 69-year-old who does a lot of cycling and my partner is 64. 

DEIDRE SAYS: There are some studies that suggest excessive cycling can cause prostate damage and erectile dysfunction but other research suggests there is no correlation.

The theories around why damage may be caused is because your weight is focused on the perineal area which can cause numbness.

As men age it takes them longer to get an erection, longer to climax and longer until they can go again. These are all part of the normal ageing process. 

Importantly, as you have noticed some recent changes, new to you, it would be wise to see your GP to ensure that there’s no underlying cause for this.

If you’re given a clean bill of health, my support pack called Man Who Can’t Climax has exercises to try to increase arousal.