The Out-of-Touch Adults' Guide to Kid Culture: Chappell Roan and White Tube Top Girl
Fame is fickle in 2024, whether you're a talented singer or a rando chosen by TikTok's AI hyper-mind.
Fame works differently than it used to. Very few people are famous to everyone, but there are a host of YouTube creators, Instagram influencers, and TikTokers who are household-name-famous to the under-25 set, but completely unknown to everyone else. Some people, like White Tube Top Girl, become instantly famous for no reason at all, and some really work at it and are super-talented, like Chappell Roan, but the almighty algorithm of fame gives no points for effort.
Who is Chappell Roan?
Chappell Roan is a 26-year-old singer from Missouri. Her musical style is heavily informed by 1980s synth-pop and Kate Bush, and her look is informed by drag queens (or Miss Piggy, depending on who you ask.) At 17, she was plucked from obscurity after posting a video on YouTube for her song “Die Young,” and signed to Atlantic Records. Her EP didn’t sell well, and Atlantic cut the cord. But Roan re-emerged in 2023 with a full-length album, The Rise and Fall of a Midwest Princess, released on Island Record, and it was a slow burn from there. Roan grew her fanbase by opening for Olivia Rodrigo, appearing on NPR, and turning in killer performances at festivals. All that hard work paid off when the record hit #5 on the Billboard charts a year or so after it was released. And that’s where we are now: Roan is on the verge of superstardom, famous enough now that even you and I have heard of her.
Who is White Tube Top Girl?
While Chappell Roan definitely put in the hours for her stardom, the all-powerful TikTok created a superstar from thin air this week: White Tube Top Girl. Her name is Faith Marie, and her meteoric rise began (and ended) when she posted a brief dance video. For reasons that are beyond the understanding of humans, the not-remarkable-in-any-way video took off, resulting in over 23 million views in its first week online, and a ton of responses. Mainly from people asking “what is this even?” Or, as a commenter on Faith Marie’s video put it: “okay wait i’m confused what’s all the hype about.” One possible answer: The video is so popular because it's so mediocre. Marie is not a particularly good dancer; she doesn’t say or do anything out of the ordinary; she didn't even invent the dance. On the surface, it's the same as 100 million other low-effort videos. But maybe Faith Marie is being fed to TikTok’s users because Marie has achieved some rare level of perfect averageness, the great mid-ness that all attempts to gain the most eyeballs achieves. If so, White Tube Top Girl is a look into our dystopian entertainment future.
What is the One Million Beers meme?
I don’t really understand the joke of the “One Million Beers” meme, but here’s what it is: TikTok users are posting videos of themselves using a handsome filter, where they walk up to a bar and either order one million beers, or order another drink and the bartender offers a million beers instead.
Here’s the first video using the phrase. This apparently impressed people enough that they began to imitate it and expand on the concept, including the most popular variation: A dude (or dudes) order a Red Bull and vodka or some food or something, and the “handsome” bartender or waiter responds by asking “did you ask for one million beers?” And begins piling beers on the table.
Like White Tube Top Girl, the One Million Beers meme makes me wonder if something is wrong with TikTok or something is wrong with TikTok’s users. It’s a mystery.
TikTok dangers
Not everything is wrong with TikTok—the platform seems to have gotten much better at identifying and deleting videos that encourage dangerous behavior over the last few years. But people with bad ideas are ingenious and have routed around bans on physically dangerous activities like The Milk Crate Challenge by focusing on bad ideas instead. Here are some of those bad ideas, all of which illustrate things you should never do:
Do not tailgate other drivers to save fuel. While it might work, it’s dangerous and annoying.
Do not listen to people who tell you not to wear sunscreen. I wrote a whole thing about it, but boiled down: The sun will give you cancer if you don’t wear sunscreen. Also: Don’t make your own sunscreen.
Do not take dentistry advice from TikTok. Avoid DIY dentistry completely; that means don’t file your teeth, don’t practice home orthodontia, and don’t put in your own fillings.
Do not try to cleanse your gut of parasites if you don’t have parasites.
Viral video of the week: “Not Like Us” Kendrick Lamar
Thankfully, Kendrick Lamar’s “Not Like Us” video proves that everything popular online isn't average. The video has been viewed over 36 million times in four days, and at least one of those views was probably from Drake checking in. It’s a bad time to be Drake. The rapper must have just been getting over the savage verbal beating he took last month at the hands of Lamar, only to wake up on July 4th to the full video of “Not Like Us.”
I wouldn’t have thought it possible, but the full version of the song is even more brutal than the mix-tape version. More catchy and exuberant. More honest and cool. This is definitely the song of the summer, but if you’re Drake, the song of the summer is about how horrible you are. Even if it’s about you, you’d have to recognize how great it is—it’s undeniable. Imagine trying not to bob your head to this song because it accuses you of being both a colonizer and a pedophile.