Well Well Well, Look Who’s Come Crawling Back: The Ex-Bassist Of Your Sludge Metal Band Who Quit To Go To Law School Just Asked If You Could Write A Jingle For His Successful Law Firm
When the bassist of your sludge metal group decided to abruptly quit the band to pursue a career in law, his betrayal left you feeling hung out to dry for years. Well, looks like you’re going to finally get a little satisfaction out of the situation, because look who just came crawling back: The ex-bassist of your sludge metal band who quit to go to law school just asked if you could write a jingle for his successful law firm.
Well, well, well…who do we have here?
When your “friend” Pat left your experimental sludge metal band, Painstate, 14 years ago to move out of state and attend law school, it really slowed down the group’s trajectory. Apparently, Pat felt that his career in environmental law was more important than finishing recording Painstate’s debut album “Merciless Playground” and playing the three shows you had booked at the time (including an opening slot for EYEHATEGOD). While Pat’s bass playing was never anything to write home about, and Dave, Mario, and Shania have all been way better bassists for Painstate than he ever was, it still was a low blow at a time when NOLA’s sludge scene was starting to get some national attention again.
After hearing about how the law firm that Pat started made a name for itself when he successfully sued a chemical manufacturer for $500 million, you assumed Lawyer Boy was too much of a hotshot to ever give you the time of day again, even if he caught wind of Painstate’s appearance on the Acid Bath tribute album. But according to a Facebook message he just sent you, that isn’t the case at all. Sounds like Pat’s law firm is desperate for a jingle and some background music for a national ad campaign they’re working on, and he’d love to “throw some cash your way” for “whatever cool shit you come up with.”
Very interesting. Had Pat stayed in the band, there’s no doubt that he could be whipping up his own jingle and saving himself hundreds of dollars right now, but instead he’s come crawling back to ol’ Painstate looking for the creativity and skill that only a legacy of two EPs, 14 shows, and over 17 years of dedication to the Louisiana sludge metal scene can deliver. Sorry, Pat, but we’re guessing this 12-second jingle and 45 seconds of background music ain’t gonna come cheap, because Painstate’s basement studio, where both Bleeding Through the End and The Oracle of Fear were recorded, is equipped with at least $2,500 worth of recording gear, most of which is still being paid off.
Oh, how the tables have turned!
Pat’s gotta be sweating right now as he awaits your reply, full of shame after showing up with his tail between his legs begging for your help. You’ll probably want to get back to him quickly though, as you want to make sure you have a chance to really rub his face in this before he reaches out to any of his other old contacts from the sludge metal community. Plus, this law firm commercial could be the big breakthrough Painstate has been waiting for.