My partner says she can’t have sex because of her tennis elbow

DEAR DEIDRE: My partner claims she can’t have sex with me because she has tennis elbow.

But I think it’s just another excuse to avoid intimacy. I’m starting to doubt she loves me.

I’m 40 and she’s 38. We’ve been together for 10 years and have one daughter, eight.

Sex has always been an issue in our relationship. I could count the number of times we’ve been intimate in the last two years on one hand.

In the past, if I was persistent enough, she’d agree to sex. But I could tell she was just going through the motions and didn’t enjoy it.

Now she’s been diagnosed with tennis elbow and she says there’s no way we can sleep together. She claims it will take months to heal, so it’s out of the question for a long time.

I feel so rejected and am questioning whether she really wants to be with me.

What can I do?

DEIDRE SAYS: If your partner has never enjoyed sex, it’s possible she was brought up to view sex as wrong, or has she had an abusive sexual experience?

Alternatively, it may be that she doesn’t have a high sex drive, or can’t relax enough to enjoy sex.

Do pick a quiet moment to talk to her and tell her how much you’re missing intimacy.

Tennis elbow can take up to a year to heal, but you could still give each other pleasure, without intercourse.

If things don’t improve, think about sex therapy. See my support pack about this and the one on Understanding Female Pleasure.