‘Sorry For Any Misunderstanding’: The Bulletin Of The Atomic Scientists Has Clarified That Their Doomsday Clock Is Actually Just Counting Down To An Important Dentist Appointment They Don’t Want To Miss

If you’ve been watching recent world events with an anxious eye, there’s some great news that will hopefully offer you a measure of relief: The Bulletin of the Atomic Scientists has clarified that their Doomsday Clock is actually just counting down to an important dentist appointment they don’t want to miss. 

Whew! This is a fantastic update for anyone who was worried about an imminent nuclear holocaust. 

While the Doomsday Clock has long been thought to represent how close humanity is to a nuclear war, a recent press release The Bulletin of the Atomic Scientists explained that this interpretation is not at all correct. “It has come to our attention that our Doomsday Clock has been believed by many to be counting down to a nuclear war wiping out all life on earth. This couldn’t be further from the truth,” the press release read. “While The Bulletin of the Atomic Scientists’ mission is to track and call attention to the risk of nuclear war, our Doomsday Clock is entirely unrelated to that mission. It is simply a way we keep track of an upcoming dental appointment we want to make sure we remember.”

The press release continued, “We now see how this confusion could have arisen. When we chose the name ‘Doomsday Clock’ for the timer we used to count down to our upcoming group dental appointment, it was simply because going to the dentist can be a bit scary. However, because we frequently and publicly updated how close the clock was to ‘midnight’ (the day our entire staff is due for teeth cleanings and X-rays) every time someone had to reschedule, many conflated our public mission of preventing nuclear war with our private commitment to dental hygiene. We sincerely regret this error in judgment and apologize for any misunderstanding. While humanity is indeed incredibly close to a nuclear crisis, our clock has always been and will always remain an entirely separate timekeeping system. To avoid any further confusion, effective immediately, the Doomsday Clock has been renamed the Apocalypse Timer.”

Dang, good to know! Don’t sweat it, atomic scientists. Everyone makes mistakes. 

Yeah, the messaging around the Bulletin of the Atomic Scientists’ Doomsday Clock wasn’t super clear, but at least they’re owning it. Hopefully, this story can be a reminder that everyone makes mistakes, dental hygiene is important, and humanity is closer than ever to a nuclear conflict. Thanks for clearing that up, and good luck at the dentist, atomic scientists!