Harriette Cole: My in-laws insist on this wedding rule, and I think I know why
DEAR HARRIETTE: I am getting married in a month, and as a 27-year-old perfectionist, I’ve meticulously planned a fairy- and nature-themed wedding.
The search for the perfect shoes to complement my reception dress has been challenging, but with my artist nephew’s collaboration, we’ve brought my vision to life over the past three months.
However, as the wedding approaches, my in-laws are refusing to invite my nephew, citing a rule against minors attending due to the presence of alcohol.
My nephew is nearly 18, and he was the only young family member involved in the wedding preparations.
The real issue appears to be their discomfort with his LGBTQ+ identity and viral TikTok presence.
My fiance’s conservative and religious family is adamant about this “rule.” I feel frustrated because my nephew deserves to be there after his significant contribution, but my in-laws are threatening to withdraw financial support for the wedding, which is crucial for us as there are still a lot of unpaid arrangements.
Any advice would be helpful.
— Bride in Distress
DEAR BRIDE IN DISTRESS: What an awkward situation to be in.
If you absolutely need your in-laws’ financial support, you may have to accept their rules. If so, talk to your nephew and explain the situation, but also agree with each other that he will be in your life.
In the future, be prepared to butt heads with the in-laws over values, and be willing to fight for what you believe — even if it costs you money.
DEAR HARRIETTE: I am a housewife and mother of nine children, ranging from toddlers to teenagers. Yesterday, my husband told me he wants a divorce.
He says he no longer loves me and believes we should part ways. I have to face the reality of supporting our large family on my own.
He proposes splitting custody of the children, but I have no clue how I am going to manage financially when the children are with me. I understand that child support will help, but it won’t cover the high cost of raising nine children, especially considering their varying needs, such as education, clothing, food and extracurricular activities.
I haven’t worked in 17 years, having dedicated my life to raising our children and managing our household. The thought of reentering the workforce after such a long break is daunting, particularly in today’s competitive job market. My skills are outdated, and my résumé has a huge gap, which I fear will be a major obstacle in finding employment.
I want to provide stability and reassurance, but my own anxiety and uncertainty about the future make it difficult to maintain a positive outlook. How can I begin to address these challenges?
— Jilted Housewife
DEAR JILTED HOUSEWIFE: I’m sorry that this has happened to you. To start, find an attorney who can walk you through the legalities of your situation.
That you have not worked for 17 years so you could care for your family will be fuel to help you regain financial control of your life, as it will most likely entitle you to alimony in addition to child support. You need to know your rights and carve a way forward.
At the same time, begin to create a résumé that lists both your academic and professional achievements. Work to redefine your at-home skills in professional terms.
You have done far more than you realize. Now is the time to quantify that.
Work with your attorney to reach a settlement. Allow your attorney to be aggressive for your children and for you.
It will be hard to care for your large family alone, especially since you have not worked for a long time. This is why you must give your attorney the leeway to push hard for the financial support that you will need.
Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.