Is It Time To Get Your Kid Out of Your Bed and Into Their Own?

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Whether to co-sleep or not is a hot-button topic and, truth is, there is no right answer.

The American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) recommends sharing a room with your baby for the first 6-12 months rather than having your baby sleep in bed with you, for safety reasons, but some families choose to do otherwise. “Co-sleeping can be healthy for children when done safely,” says Nicole Johnson, founder and lead pediatric sleep consultant at The Baby Sleep Site. “That’s not to say that a child sleeping in their room is not also healthy. Families must decide what’s best for them.”

Hope Forever and Carl McKinnon are a blended family with four children, ages 20 to 2 years old, and a fifth child due in August. Co-sleeping is the only life they know. “I breastfed our 4-year-old daughter Carlie Faith [for] 18 months and our 2-year-old daughter, Cali Reign, who still sleeps in our bed, for 21 months,” says McKinnon. “It was easier and more comfortable for me, and I plan to do the same for our son.”

When it was time for Carlie Faith (who co-slept until she was 3) to make the transition, McKinnon made it a big deal. “We created a girlie bedroom with a queen-sized bed so we could snuggle in there if she needed to, but the move wasn’t without hiccups. “Carlie Faith is tall for her age, an active sleeper, and wakes up at six ready to talk,” says McKinnon. “We installed a baby gate that [she] figured out how to climb over and wiggle under to escape.” The couple then installed a baby monitor in the room to communicate with their daughter. “We tell her we see you, we love you, you are not alone.”

Charli and Dustin Fuller’s son Elijah was 2 years old when he moved from a crib to a toddler bed. “We co-sleep occasionally,” says mom Charli. “But bedtime usually begins in his bedroom with him picking a book for story time and afterward, me rubbing his back until he falls asleep. If he wakes up early, I let him sleep with us.”

One common question: when is the right time to stop co-sleeping? “In my 16 years of experience as a pediatric sleep consultant, I have found that it’s easier to transition your baby around the 10-14th month mark rather than wait until 18+ months,” Johnson says — but if you’ve missed that window, don’t fret. Johnson says it’s never too late to teach new sleep habits.

Read on for tips to make the sleep transition permanent.

Be Consistent: Parents must be a united front when it comes to ending co-sleeping. Kids are smart and will take advantage of a parent who allows them to co-sleep.

Prioritize It: Children who aren’t accustomed to sleeping without a parent nearby, or alone in their bedroom, may not feel safe and secure until they get used to it. This can be more challenging for some ages than others. Nighttime fears, for example, are common at 3 years old, so that could be a difficult age to change sleeping arrangements. It might be helpful to make their room a place they’re excited to spend time in, such as by letting them help decorate the space. You can also introduce the concept by reading them children’s books like The Big Bed by Bunmi Laditan.

To Cry It Out or Not: Separation anxiety is a big deal to children who have grown accustomed to being in bed with you. Some exhausted parents employ the ‘cry it out’ method where the toddler self-soothes before intervening. “The goal in our house is to do whatever it takes to be well rested,” says Fuller.

Develop a Routine: A warm bath, soft lighting, and a lullaby can help children settle. The McKinnons play Scripture Lullabies until their girls fall asleep.

Move Into Their Bedroom (Temporarily): “It is easier to move out of your child’s room than to move them out of yours,” says Johnson. Try sleeping with you child in the new room for a couple of weeks, then gradually remove yourself during bedtime. Once your child gets used to that, spend less of the night in their bedroom. Ideally, sleep in separate beds when you are in the new bedroom.

Don’t Give Up: Small victories still count, even if it’s only two nights a week. It’s hard to deal with the downsides of waking up more frequently because children are noisy sleepers, and toddlers waking up to feed even when they aren’t hungry, but keep trying — you (and your kids) will get there.

Before you go, check out our favorite products to help you fall asleep: