I'd Like To Report A Murder: Biden Took A Sledgehammer To Trump At Rally

President Joe Biden stood before enthusiastic supporters in Detroit on Friday night and took a sledgehammer to Donald Trump. For sure, the felon must have been hate-watching the President, who, no matter which side of the aisle you're on, was on fire, delivering rapid-fire burns to his thin-skinned predecessor. Biden mocked Trump's fear of sharks and his insane rants about electrocutions. "Poor Donald," Biden said, "he can't even watch TV this week because it's shark week."

The President said, "I love telling Trump this, even though I don't own any stock. The stock market is at a historic high."

Biden brought up his gaffe from the previous night when he mixed up names, saying that Trump praises Putin. He added, "But people would rather talk about how I mix up names. I guess they don't remember that Trump called Nikki Haley Nancy Pelosi."

It was burn after burn after burn, and he didn't stop. Biden moved on to the case Trump lost to E. Jean Carroll, in which he owes his victim an obscene amount of money for sexual abuse.

"We're going to say who he is, what he intends to do," Biden said. "Folks, Donald Trump is a convicted criminal."

"He was convicted by a jury of his peers of 34 felonies for paying hush money to a porn star and hiding it from voters in 2016," the President continued. "Donald Trump was found liable for sexual assault by a judge who told us not to be fooled by Trump brushing it off."

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