Dear Abby: Readers call out Abby for disparaging wife who doesn’t help cook
DEAR ABBY: I was shocked at your response to “Hosted Out” (March 28), who was frustrated at having to host, feed and entertain her husband's hunting buddy and his wife several times a year.
I agreed with your suggestion that she stay elsewhere while these friends stay at her home so her husband will (hopefully) see the light when he's the one doing the cooking and hosting. But you then made the comment that you can't believe the friend's wife doesn't help with the cooking and entertaining, and how lazy and insensitive she must be.
Abby, did you get caught in a time warp? Why would you think that the hunting buddy gets a free pass from cooking and helping during their stay when HE is the one receiving all the benefits? And how could you possibly criticize his wife, the innocent bystander? Are you honestly stating that it is HER JOB to cook and clean for those guys because she's a woman? I'm hoping you have now returned to the 2020s. — JULIE IN COLORADO
DEAR JULIE: I received a lot of criticism for the comment I made at the end of my answer to "Hosted Out" — enough cold water to moisten the wet noodle I use for self-flagellation. Read on:
DEAR ABBY: I was flabbergasted that you think the wife of the visiting couple deserved more blame than either of the two men. All three are guilty for allowing this to go on. "Hosted Out" wrote that she doesn't want to ruin the friendship. Wouldn't fleeing to a hotel do that kind of damage?
When my husband and I host visitors for more than three days, I explain to them early on that this "entitles them to be family." I tell them where the food and supplies are, that everyone is "on their own" for breakfast and lunch, but that we will all work together to prepare a sit-down dinner each night. My guests always seem to be relieved when I share this plan. — SHERI IN WASHINGTON
DEAR SHERI: I wish I'd made that suggestion ...
DEAR ABBY: You recommended that "Hosted Out" leave her home when those guests visit. Why should she have to leave to accommodate these clueless people? An honest, caring approach to the friends, stating that she has decided to cut back on the number of visitors and time hosting, should suffice. — BEVERLY IN MICHIGAN
DEAR BEVERLY: I think if she did that, she would get quite a bit of pushback from her hunting-loving hubby!
DEAR ABBY: Why does all the work fall to the wives? Perhaps next time, "Hosted Out" should plan only meals her husband has to barbecue. — KAREN IN CALIFORNIA
DEAR KAREN: Years ago, the business of entertaining mostly did fall on the shoulders of the womenfolk. Today, with so many women in the workplace, these responsibilities are usually shared. I want to thank my readers for reminding me of that.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
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