I love my fiancee but she doesn’t turn me on
DEAR DEIDRE: I’m getting married later this year but I’m worried about the lack of sex in our relationship. I don’t think we are normal.
I’m 39 and my fiancée is 31. We met at church and she is my first and last girlfriend. We’ve been dating for two years and she’s wonderful.
We were both virgins when it came to having a sexual relationship and we’ve had sex a handful of times.
I play five-a-side football and the guys always seem to be talking about sex and how many times they’ve done it. It sounds as if they are at it every week.
The fact of the matter is, I don’t want to have sex as much as them. My fiancée doesn’t know how to turn me on.
I do look at pornography regularly though. Could this be the problem?
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DEIDRE SAYS: Yes. A good sexual relationship isn’t about the quantity of sex you’re having but the quality.
That said, watching too much adult content can blunt the appetite for wanting regular and real life sex.
Porn content is designed to hook viewers in. You can wean yourself off it by making a conscious effort to do something else rather than opening your laptop or tablet.
My support pack called Understanding Male Pleasure will help your fiancée.
If you’re still struggling, you can find support to help you change your mindset and tune in more to having great sex with your fiancée.
A sex and relationship therapist would understand the dynamic between you and the College Of Sexual And Relationship Therapists (COSRT.org.uk) can help you find a reputable counsellor.
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