I’m devastated after my husband walked out on me and our children

DEAR DEIDRE: MY husband has walked out on me and our children, and I’m devastated. 

We took vows for better or for worse, but it feels like the minute things got tough, he gave up on our marriage. I miss him desperately and want him back.

I’m 36 and he’s 38. We have two young kids, aged six and four. 

Life has been very stressful lately, with the kids and our jobs. I’m not good under pressure and I’ll admit I was moody and often snapped at him. 

We did argue a fair bit, mainly because he didn’t do his share around the house, which I found frustrating. 

But I thought we loved each other and that when this difficult period was over, we’d go back to being happy. 

Instead, last week, he completely blindsided me by telling me he didn’t want to be with me anymore.

He said he doesn’t love me – he has no more romantic feelings at all, and isn’t even sure he likes me as a person. He was so cold, it was shocking.

Now he’s gone to stay with his brother and he’s said he’s looking for a flat. 

I cry myself to sleep every night, wondering what went wrong. How can I win him back?

Deidre says:

It sounds like your husband has been unhappy for a long time, but didn’t tell you how he felt. 

Perhaps there were signs you didn’t notice but he should have been honest, rather than springing this on you. No wonder you’re in shock.

Contact him and say you’d like to talk calmly. Remind him you have children to consider, and what the impact of this will be on them. 

Say you’d like to work on your marriage and suggest going to a counsellor together. My support pack on Counselling will tell you more. 

If he won’t come with you, it might help you to talk to someone alone.