I was today years old when I learned the Osbourne family—as in, of early aughts reality television fame—has a podcast simply titled, The Osbourne's Podcast. After a quick perusal of recent episodes which include "Sharon's Demon Attack" and a breakdown of the feud between 50 Cent and Donald Trump, it seems Ozzy, Sharon, and two of their children, Jack and Kelly, are just kind of throwing shit at the wall and seeing what sticks. This week's episode has Ozzy, Sharon, Jack, and Kelly consider TikTok dance trends and, inevitably, patronizing Britney Spears, or as the family's patriarch deemed her: “Poor old Britney Spears." "I’m fed up with seeing poor old Britney Spears [dancing]," Ozzy said. "Every fucking day. You know, it’s sad. Very, very sad." While "poor," "old," and "very sad" are the exact adjectives I'd use to describe Ozzy, and I would very much encourage him to simply hit the unfollow button if he's that fed up, his companions in conversation, unfortunately, failed to offer either perspective. "I feel sorry for her," Kelly added. "It's heartbreaking," Sharon chimed in. Who knew you could feel such sympathy from all the way up on a high horse? Personally, I'm very entertained—creatively inspired, even—by Spears' social media presence. Could any of the Osbournes wield knives like this? Or look this good writhing around in the water? Doubtful. And when's the last time any of them have been as vulnerable as this??? Anyway, you get the point. I'm sure the Osbournes aren't the only psychologically plagued family to have this exact conversation about Spears since her social media debut. And to each one, I offer the immortal words of Cara Cunningham: Leave Britney alone.
