When to give a tip even if you think tipping is out of control

Some customers are fed up with expectations around tipping: "If I have to stand up to order my food or to buy my product, you're not getting a tip."

• Many Americans are finding that tips are expected at more and more businesses.
• Two people explained to BI why they think tipping is out of control.
• Pam, a retiree, said she still tips for certain services.

From taxis to pizza establishments and dry cleaners, Pam, 77, has found tipping expectations have spread.

"Everyone is thinking they deserve a tip," Pam — who asked to go by her first name for privacy, but whose identity has been verified with Business Insider — said.

It's not just Pam who thinks tipping has spread. A Pew Research Center survey from this past August found that nearly three-quarters of US adults said "tipping is expected in more places today than it was five years ago."

As the range of businesses where tips are expected continues to expand, many Americans are becoming burned out on paying extra for service.

"To me, there's a big distinction between where tipping is more expected and where it could be optional," Ted Rossman, a senior industry analyst at Bankrate, previously told BI. "But I do think the lines are blurring, and I think that businesses are looking to customers to make up some of the difference — that maybe they're reluctant to raise prices any higher; they're looking to supplement their employees' wages."

Rossman noted coffee shops as one place where tipping may be more optional, while sit-down restaurants and food delivery are two services where people should generally be tipping. Rossman noted salons or barbershops as another type of service where people should be tipping.

While tipping seems more prevalent these days, not everyone adds one to their payment. "I know a lot of people who just now flat out refuse to tip, and I'm not in that category, but I do think twice about how much I put in my tip," Pam said, noting she thinks a 15% tip "is more than enough."

A Bankrate survey conducted from April 29 to May 1 found that 67% of US adult respondents who go to sit-down restaurants always tip servers. Additionally, 11% said this for when they pick up takeout, and 10% said this for home services and repair people.

Tipping sentiment is different by generation. Rossman said Gen Xers and baby boomers in the survey were "much more likely to say there's too much tip creep and tipping culture's gotten out of control." Rossman said the backlash against tipping could be because of high prices, tip creep, or people thinking they don't have enough money to spare.

Even those who think tipping is out of control still think there are some places where it's appropriate

As a retiree, Pam said she and her husband have had to cut back on eating out owing to big tips on top of elevated inflation while living on a fixed income. "My husband and I are comfortable, there's no doubt about that, but it's still a fixed income," Pam said. "The life we planned for and saved for is inside that fixed income right now."

She's opposed to cues businesses have adopted that push patrons to leave gratuities. "I think that it should be a hundred percent up to the patron if they want to tip and not have all these suggested amounts and things printed on receipts and on the tablets," Pam said.

Pam isn't the only one who feels tipping is out of control. Michael Sandberg, 58, feels the tip jars he frequently sees sitting on the counters of retail establishments are uncalled for. He finds workers for other kinds of businesses and services shouldn't be expecting a tip, too.

"I just don't think tipping is a good thing to do," Sandberg told BI. "People should get paid for their jobs, and why should I tip somebody to do their job?"

Sandberg said instead of tips, restaurant servers should be paid a living wage. "If that makes the price of the food go up at their restaurant, well, so be it," he said.

"Asking your customers to pay your employees directly is obnoxious and not very cool," Sandberg said.

Sandberg said he's "way more likely to leave a tip" at small restaurants than larger ones. "I don't tip anywhere else," he added.

For instance, Sandberg doesn't see tipping as necessary if he's buying something himself because "there's no extra service."

"If I have to stand up to order my food or to buy my product, you're not getting a tip," Sandberg said.

Tipping could also be for exceptional service

Sandberg, who said he used to often go to restaurants and would tip 10%, noted a tip could be justified if you receive "some exceptionally great service somewhere," such as a restaurant server doing an "exceptional job" or going out of their way.

Pam recalled leaving more than the standard tip for a server because of especially great service that she wanted to acknowledge. She said the server "was so wonderful" with her grandchild "and brought her extra special cherries on her ice cream and things like that and played with her."

Meanwhile, there are services Pam doesn't tip for and ones she does. "I would never tip at a fast food establishment as a rule," Pam said. "I am usually driving through and receive no service or pick up and take my order myself to a table."

There has been an exception to Pam's rule. She noted she tipped a cleaner at a fast-food establishment. She said she saw this person "on more than one occasion doing an exceptional job. She obviously took great pride in her work and I appreciated how immaculate she kept the restaurant."

Pam said she always tips at the nail salon she goes to "and for other personal one-on-one services," such as if she were to ask "a delivery driver to help with a heavy article into my house." She also noted she wouldn't tip people who help bag items at grocery stores but said she always tips at a sit-down restaurant.

She said a tip should be when it's for "extra service that someone gives you." She gave the example of tipping a taxi driver who helps with your bags, opens the taxi's door for you, and gets you promptly to your destination.

Tipping drivers is common

The Pew Research Center survey found 61% of US adults who use rideshares or taxis often or always tip. While some people might give a tip to Uber and Lyft drivers, Sandberg doesn't really see that as always necessary. "I think a rideshare driver should get a tip if they go out of their way and make a real difference in the ride," he said.

Sandberg said ride-hail drivers could receive more tips if "you're in a very busy metropolitan or tourist area."

He said he was an Uber and Lyft driver several years ago. He recalled only once getting a tip and said it was "the only time I thought it was deserving."

"I went above and beyond my duties. I took all back roads to the airport when the freeway was closed due to a major accident," he said. "The rest of my rides were just doing my job."

Are you a business owner or customer willing to share your views and practices on tipping? Reach out to this reporter at mhoff@businessinsider.com.